Category : Books-Non-Fiction

Sub Category : Biography

Present , in my late twenty's and still trying to figure out what I've been doing wrong. Still can't seem to get it right no matter how hard I try ,or at least I think i try hard enough. You give even when you can barely do for yourself or you take when you feel like you have nothing left . I've planned to be happy at this point in my life but my happiness is not what I need itz what I loaned for,  even if it consisted of all the wrong things . 
  My happiness was my pain , well how can that be it makes no sense.  Well a lot of things that happened on my journey made no sense untill I actually got fed up with a lot of shit.  
 I feared being alone . Yes I know it sounds stupid  but when you never actually had someone to actually love you and mean it , say those words to you and really mean it. Not to walk out on you and leave you dry , take from you what you though was innocents, pure yet gentle .
 You tend to get use to the feeling that loving you and leaving you and being deceitful is the real kind of love . 
 Giving my hard earned cash to a man ....,well a boy that never cared about you doing all I could just to keep him happy just so he wouldn't go looking for it elsewhere. Cooking and cleaning and shit for a guy that only played you.
Ha! Being abused mentally physically and emotionally,  having a gun put to my fucking head but still though it was love. 
Yeah I'm stupid anit no way I would take some shit like that , but that's what they all say but to my surprise I stayed because I wanted to be loved I feared being alone ,being board no one to talk to no one to listen 
 Yeah that what friends are for , yeah right that what friends are for . How can my friends give me advice when they going through the same shit. Well I shouldn't be friends with them yeah you right so I slowly distanced myself and locked myself away from any and everybody that wanted to know me who actually wanted to care for me  I didn't know any better I thought my life would be better this way but I was wrong.