Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

A change in environment is what I'm longing for, I'd end my existence or lose my mind if I don't find a way out of this living arrangement. 
Which takes president keeping a roof over one's head or spending every cent on drinking and partying?
Daily I have to ignore the negligence of the one I called brother, with a heavy heart I forced a smile to get through my day but the thoughts in my head pushes people away. 
I've tried therapy thinking it would help, it didn't it only left me with more anger, pain, self loathing and resentment towards the life I now find myself living. 
No I wasn't born to be unhappy nor was I supposed to hide tears behind lies, what I need always feel so out of reach. 
Is it better to be alone? to let pain, anger, fear, frustration consumed me and turned me into an emotional wreck of a person.
What am I to do if the odds feel like they are stacked against me, what change can enact if I have a bad shoulder, suffers from uncomfortable movements as a result of tourettes and drowning in what feels like a sea of responsibilities. 
How can I live life without having to feel like I'm always in survival mode?
I hate when I gave others a reason to stop talking to me, I hate when a conversation feels like it'll turn into an argument because that is what I'm expecting it to lead to.
it's hard not take things personally, I wish I knew how not to, so much pain and negative thoughts makes life all the more unbearable.
An unhappy person only have unhappy thoughts, I wish I wasn't so, I'm a mess, a broken body, broken mind and a caring heart not the best combination, that's why I'm the reason I have limited friends, no girlfriend, who would want a guy like me who blames himself daily for  his life being one big mess.