Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

Who am I? That is a question almost everyone asks themselves. Most never find the answer. I am on my journey of finding out who I am. It's been a long and dangerous rode filled with grief, pain, and joy. I find myself traveling through the valleys and mountains. But through each hardship I have one person up on high that I look to for help. Jesus. Every time i go to a valley I look up and thank Him for the strength He has already given me. And I ask Him to give me the will-power to continue on. When He brings me to a mountain I rejoice and sing His name. I thank him for all the strength He has given me and I ask Him to give me the will-power to continue on.

Now, I want to answer my first question, 'Who am I?' On the outside I'm a light skinned, dark haired girl. I have brown-green eyes with dark, 'perfectly' angled eyebrows. I'm tall and slim, hiding the physical strength I have in my slimness. I am very shy and bookish. I'm a girl who once had scoliosis, a spinal deformity where the spine is curved, but now has titanium rods and a straight spine. But on the inside I'm someone who is...different. I see the world in a different perspective than most. I see much more details, both physical and and not. I often ponder where the world went wrong. I suffer along with the many children and adults who are in poverty and are starving to death. I am very spiritual. I think deeply beyond what most would think possible. I tend to overthink things and I begin to freak out. I'm someone who is very stressed but tries not to show it. I have much more mental strength than most adults. I've had to have mental strength. How else would I have kept my sanity through the pain. It's funny to think how as a kid you always thought you would never become depressed or have thoughts of self-harm. But then it hits you all of a sudden, knocking the breath out of your lungs and leaving you no tie to react. That's how I feel. I'm broken on the inside and I can't even talk to my family for fear of how they would think of me. It's so hard on me. My only escapes are reading, writing, running, and climbing. But I know i have to keep going. If I don't my friends will ruin themselves because they would think they did something wrong. But it was never them. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if that happened. 

I have yet to finish my journey of finding out who I truly am. But I know there is an end. And I know that end has a prize. That prize is the answer I have been searching for all my life. Who am I?