Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

I'm sitting here just thinkin, wondering how I got right here. This place I'm at is so unclear. I want love and all that cute shit but it takes one thing to make me flip it. I cry and cry about how I want THAT man, but as soon as they get to close I shut down. I often find myself alone. He can be a true Romeo but I do all I can to avoid the roll of Juliet. I just don't fit, I don't fit in just one category. I'm sweet and loving but those fucked up moments are on rewind and I go blind,im blind to the future,im blind to the present,im blind to the real me. I live so much in my past that I just ruin all that is good for me. I look for any reason,any comment,any wrong movement and I run from that tender and caring love. So I just find myself in the darkest place. I've got so low on my own and I think how much I'd welcome death. I'm not afraid of it. I live everyday hoping to get that much closer to it. I start to lose sight of what I do live for because this loneliness is that overwhelming. I wish I could erase all the pain and hurt I have in me,but honestly I don't ever see that happening for me.i just want to tell the ones that tried so hard to love me that I'm sorry for my mangled heart. I will forever be lonely. Don't for one second think that it was you. it's me,its how I will always be.