Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

I still feel so lost. It feels like I'm losing this battle with my heart. The feelings grow stronger with each year that passes. I'm weak with longing. I'm afraid that I won't be able to control myself. I never knew missing someone for years would do this to me. It's so wrong. It should never have been this way. Everything is so messed up. He did this to me, forced me to live without him. I'm afraid of losing myself again. The hardest part is that there is no-one that I can talk to about what I'm going through.No-one I can trust. No-one that will understand. They have'nt been wheŕe I am. I'm completely on my own and it scares me. I never wanted that kiss to end. I wanted his arms around me for the rest of my life, but he never gave me a chance. He never gave me a chance to love him the way I wanted to. It is so hard and so painful to fall in love with someone. When it's permanent you are not able to do anything about it. You just had to watch him leave and marry someone else. Still you love him through all the years, through all the tears. Through all the hurt and the pain he put you through. You still love him and that is scary. I never even knew I had it in me to be able to love someone that much. That makes everything so much worse. Never being able to stop loving him that way. It scares you to be near him, because you are afraid of losing control of your feelings. I'm nowhere near him now, but I still find it hard to breathe in a place where he used to be. I still feel him everywhere and I have the feeling that he knows.