Category : Poems

Sub Category : N/A

God damn
Am I the same human
High since 12 
3 yrs of a break I was like a doves cloud

Didn't last, happened fast, got a bar job at 22, and being called out by this one certain guy everyday for him to take advantage of what I could of made last.

I took the pills he gave and I took the advice 
How fckn insane was I?

Addict to dealer making stacks, getting high thinking this will always last

Boom one day the pill Drs gone , I'm too far along to stop with no harm

You made me lose my mind you made me delusional during covid when ppl were so unkind

Wasn't hard to miss even called the cops to help me with this

Now two felony's later 

On parole thinking do I still need these or just to find a life I can see in sight

Wtf is wrong with me

Is it the anxiety bipolar or ocd

Or maybe the chronic complex 2 percent of the world PTSD or is it the ddd or Ms

I can name more I'm such a fucking mess

And u wonder why I'd rather be high ...... Skin crawling mind racing, I just want to fit in

Am I even addicted or addicted to the routine? 
So I got something to do? Instead of thinking of how sick n how bad my body mind n soul feels? And that this is really real. How do I change this deal 

If I make it to the beach, will I change my ways?
My dream to scuba dive n explore been my game
How the fck u get there when your dealt the cards to one fucked up game

I could say how my house burnt down or how I wasn't loved I could blame my parents or the one above

But I fckn can't, it's me, everything I been thru made me stronger then u think

Homeless on the streets and I survived without asking for help like you'd think

But what now. I need a change I need my dreams.

I got a plan

I don't want to do

But if u were in my shoes 
Trust me
You'd think of it too