The Party Read Count : 24

Category : Stories

Sub Category : Drama

Robbie/Rab/Rob/Robert or sometimes we’d use his second name ‘Burnie’ or ‘Burns’. Yes, ah know that he almost shares same name as a famous Scottish poet. In fact, see if we wir steaming (as in ‘we’ ah mean Billy maistly) wid sometimes take the piss oot ay him fir it. like fir example we wid ask him shite like: ‘How wis it like writing auld Lang syne?’ and we’d huv a fucking laugh aboot it ken? This was only at Hogmanay though so its maistly an ‘annual laugh’ more than anything. However, Robbie doesn’t find it funny. He’s a wee sensitive fucker likesay, he’s eywis been like that. However, Ah wish he wouldnae hud been hauf the time. Ah remember wan time Me, Billy and James aw went tae his cause he hud a gaff that night, fuck knows whair his parents wir, Robbie probably knew. ah goes up tae ask um. He wis in the living room playing ‘Sonic The Hedgehog’ on his Sega Mega Drive. 

  • Whairs yir Auld folk Rab? Ah asks 

  • Awey doon South likesay Blackpool He sais

  • When are they coming back? Ah asks 

  • Don’t know, Don’t care, thair wanting piece fae me anywey. Literally, ah asks them if ah can go doon wi them likes. The cunts jist fucking laughed at me and sais ‘Ye can go when ye start revising for yir exams’. ‘Ah huv been revising’ ah sais. However, ma da claps back at me and sais ‘The only thing you study is a lassies fanny ya dirty wee bastard!’. Honestly man, so they jist gave me a gaff instead whair thir hoping that ah’m revising fir ma fucking exams. Anywey how’s thing wi you? Ye pumped that Shannon lassie yet? 

  • Naw Ah sais 

  • Aw well she’s oot yir league anywey 

It wis at this moment that Billy walked into the room holding a bottle ay cider 

  • Whits gin oan? Billy asks sitting himself doon next tae Robbie 

  • Taulking aboot how his burd is way oot ay his league Robbie sais. -Aw aye she’s well oot ay yir league mate. Billy sais

Fucking cunts. They say it every fucking time ah git a burd that’s ‘oot ay ma league’. The Fuck that does that mean anywey? Naw ah’ll tell ye whit it fucking is, it’s a fucking plot device used tae gilt trip folk intae thinking that thir fucking clapped when they clearly fucking urnae. Anywey, ah jist roll ma eyes at thum at look at the telly. But then James came through and broke the silence. – Lads ah went through tae Addiewell yesterday tae get some smack and whit dae ah end up leaving wi? Two Sports bags full ay opium and a packet ay ecstasy. – Aw rite mate well done Robbie sais focused oan the game. – Naw but listen this is pure shit that comes fae Columbia no that perr shite that comes fae Peru. He sais putting the bags and the ecstasy oan the coffee table. Robbie pause the game and took a look at the drugs. – Fucking hell you’ve oot done yir sel here James ye ken whit this caws fir? Robbie sais wi a smile oan his face – Whit? Billy sais – A party Robbie replies still grinning. – Aw yes!! Billy yells as he jumps up in the air. Robbie decided tae ring his mates telling them tae ‘Bring burds! lots ay burds!’. In the Meantime, Robbie got a bag ay speed fae his secret stash in his bedroom. So Robbie, James and Billy aw snorted ay line ay coke. However, ah jist sat thair looking aw biscuit ersed until Robbie said something.

  • Moan you he sais

  • Whit? Ah reply

  • Snort a line he sais sounding as though he wis awready fucked after one line 

  • Naw ah reply 

  • Moan, snort a fucking line Billy sais whae wis noo oan the flair slavering hauding oan ma leg 

  • GET OAF ME YA CREEP!! Ah yell - How the hell are yous high oan wan line ay coke? Ah sais – Wir no wiv hud fower lines in the space ay three oors – Whit de ye mean three oors? It’s 5 O’clock in the eftirnoon? – Naw its no James sais – How ah sais – look at the digital clock James sais. 

What ah saw oan the clock shook me tae ma core. It said 8:30 pm. Wis ah staring in tae space for three oors? Naw ah couldnae huv been. Thir wis other people in the house. Ah notice thair’s something in ma arm, it wis a needle. – d’you like ma wee present? Robbie sais. Naw, surely no. Ok whit happened wis ah must’ve falling asleep or something and then Robbie being the sick fucker that he is, injected heroin in to my veins wi oot ma consent. –ROBBIE YA SICK FUCKING CUNT YE!! Ah yell, taking the needle oot ma airm. The cunt just done his junky laugh. He then catches the eye of a pretty young girl sitting next to the next the telly. Robbie goes over to her. Ah’m standing thair trying no tae laugh. Cause ah notice that the lassie looks aboot fowerteen years auld. Robbie’s to oot e’s nut tae ken however and still spoke tae ‘er. Meanwhile ah’ve somehow just foond masel in a conversation wi Billy and James, talking aboot ‘Masturbation in the Olympics’.

  • Ah’m telling ye man, if wanking wis a sport in the Olympics ah would ay won…. Ten gold medals Billy sais counting wi his fingers

  • Oh really? Ah sais in disbelief 

  • Aye he replied

Ah started tae notice Robbie wis necking that lassie. Fuck sake, nae wonder folk caw him a pedo. 

  • Really? How many times dae ye huv a wank? James said 

  • Why the fuck dae ye need tae ken that? Ah sais

  • Aw day, Every day Billy sais 

Ah felt ma stomach turn. Ah felt as though ah wis gonnae be sick, this fucking conversation and the fact Robbie wis noo taking that lassie up tae his bedroom tae dae whit ah can only imagine…. Naw…. Ah dinae want tae imagine that. Ah went tae the upstairs bathroom and vomited in the toilet. ah could feel all ay ma guts wir leaving ma system. The vomit wis aw yella with green chunks which ah could only as some sort ay vegetable and tae tap it aw aff the smell wis appalling, it smelt like a piece ay shite which hud been in a toxic waste land. Ah hud tae wash ma mooth at the sink, ah goat the toothpaste and squirted a bit intae ma mooth. And then ah put ma mooth under the tap. It wisnae a too bad ay a solution and it made ma mooth fresh. Ah flushed the toilet and headed back doon the stair, but before ah put foot oan the first step ah noticed something oan the flair ootside Robbie’s room. Ah could hear that lassie moaning inside Robbie’s room. Ah goat close tae it and realised it wis a condom packet. “Huh” ah thought tae ma sel thinking nothing of it, but then ah realised something else. It wis opened but the condom wis inside ay it. ah looked up at Robbie’s door and realised He’s fucked if he Doesnae pull oot. If he impregnates her or yet he gets diagnosed wi an STD then he’s seriously, one hundred percent fucked. That lassie is too young fir shagging. Ah don’t get why they dae that at that age fir fuck sake. The age ay consent is ‘16’ no ‘14’ Robbie ya fucking pedo. Ah then heard Robbie scream: “Ah’m gonnae cum soon!!!!” in a pleasure filled voice. Ah ran back doon the stairs as quickly as ah could and sat back next tae Billy and James, who wir noo talking aboot fitba. Ah wisnae intae fitba but ma auld man wis. 


  • Who de ye think’s gonnae win the Scottish league cup this year? Billy said 

  • Yous obviously James replied 

Ah sais nout. Ah jist sat thair staring intae space, hoping Robbie wisnae too out e’s nut tae forget tae pull oot. 


  • Exactly, it’s gonnae be nine in a row ah can feel it Billy sais 

  • Robbie wid say otherwise but he’s no here the noo James replied

  • Aye, well Robbie hus tae keep oan dreaming Billy sais

Ah think aboot going hame but ah decide tae pull oot ma game boy and start playing ‘Super Mario land’. Nae cunt’s gonnae bother me. An hour goes by and a notice James (who is sitting beside me) is talking to this blonde lassie. She looks like Courtney love, also known as Kurt Cobain’s wife (Lead singer ay Nirvana). She looks at me and sais: - So, who’s this cutiepatootie? – Aw this is Callum, he’s ma wee geeky pal aint ye? James sais rubbing ma hair wi his fist. – Aye, awright James very good Ah sais. 

  • Ah ah see She sais 

  • Whit’s your name? ah asks 

  • Ashley she sais 

  • Ashley? That’s a nice name. You a pal ay Robbie’s? 

  • Naw, no really she sais 

Me and James looked at each other confused 

  • Then how do you know um? James asks 

  • He…We fucked…. Before, that’s how we know each other she sais seeing Robbie coming back into the room. 

  • Oh James sais 

This lassie is very odd. She seems to know Robbie, but she seems very awkward aboot it for some reason. Anywey, here comes the man ay the oor.

  • Ah lads ah see you’ve met Ashley He sais haudin a fag right hand and putting his arms ower us 

His breath reeked ay tobacco and his teeth wir as yellow as a lego figure

  • Sooooo? Robbie sais

  • Whit? Ah sais 

  • Whit ye’s daeing? He sais smiling 

  • Nothing James sais 

  • Ya want tae git fucked up? Robbie sais 

  • Ah’m awright Ah sais

  • Aw c’mon, dinae be sae fucking boring, get fucked up wi us he sais 

  • Robbie you’re already ‘Fucked up’

  • Since when Ah’m ah no? he sais laughing 

  • Robbie, Ah’m no bothered either James sais  

  • Aww, c’mon stop being party-poopers He sais 

Ah dinae ken whits worse. The fact that he’s just called us party poopers or the fact he’s touching me wi the same haun he probably fingered that lassie with! 


  • HERE! WE’VE GOT PARTY POOPERS AIRT HERE He shouted 

  • Shut up Robbie! James said

  • Oh, pack it in ya big poof he sais playfully pushing him

Ashley stood up

  • THAT’S ENOUGH ROBBO LEAVE THUM ALONE!!! Ashley yelled 

  • Eh? He sais 

  • Ah sais leave thum alone! She yelled 

  • Shut up Ashley! You can’t say NOUT! Because, in my world your jist a pair ay tits!

The whole room went silent at what Robbie jist said. The music hud stopped playing and the whole room was laser focused oan Robbie and Ashley. Ashley picked up a glass and shoved in eh’s face, it smashed. And he started bleeding. – Ow! YA DIRTY FUCKING, COCK SUCKING WHORE!! He yelled. Robbie swung at Ashley. She fell and nose started bleeding. Robbie tried to pick her up bit then some chad and started punching fuck oot um. This then the tae whole party turning intae a fight. Perr Ashley wis greeting oan the flair. Tear mixing with the blood fae her nose. Me and James decided tae get tae fuck. – Wait! What aboot Ashley? James sais – Jist forget aboot her. – Really? Eftir she tried stood up fir us? Ah looked Ashley oan the flair still greeting and bleeding. – Fuck it! Ah suppose yir right. Me and James dodged aw the scraps and picked up Ashley and dragged her oot ay thair. – Here, Ashley tilt yer heid back and haud yer nose it’ll stop the bleeding. James sais – Cheers She sais in a muffled voice. 

  • We need tae take her tae the hospital Ah sais 

  • Eh? James sais 

  • Well her nose is broken so she needs medical attention ah sais 

  • How we gonnae git thair? Ah mean, we cannae phone an ambulance because: 1. Its gonnae take oors tae git here and 2. They’ll bring the polis aboot them lot huving a scrap. 

Ah thought fir a moment and then ah see this taxi drap aff some folk and aboot tae drive aff. Ah immediately jumped in front it. the driver honked his horn at me and started shouting at me in this Indian accent. – Look Ah’m really really sorry ah know yir busy but can you take us up to the hospital? Its ma pal she’s broke her nose Ah sais. He looks at Ashley and sais: - Aye alright then. We goat in the taxi and headed tae the hospital. Eftir aboot 10 mins Ashley squeaked the question of: - Are we nearly there yet? – No, yet doll James sais. – Ah’m sleepy she sais tiredly. – Try stay awake fir us the noo, ye can rest when wir at the hospital. 



  • Why you guys helping me? Ashley asks

  • Cause you stood up for us back there James sais 

  • Oh aye ah forgot aboot that, he must ay hit me pretty hard eh? she sais 

  • Aye ah sais smiling 


The rest ay the taxi journey went smoothly. We arrived at the hospital and she goat seen immediately seen tae. The nurses wir nice with her and gave her aw the medical attention that she needed. Me and James sat doon at a waiting area. We jist sat thair biscuit ersed until James piped up and sais something tae us. – Here, what dae ye think happened between her and Rob? He sais. – Ah don’t know and ah don’t care ah sais. 

  • Fair enough he replied 

  • Here, that lassie he was with the night. What age dae ye age think she wis? Ah sais 

  • Whae? 

  • The lassie Robbie was with 

  • Aw aye, the wan that looks like a fowerteen year auld?

  • Aye ah sais 

  • Whit aboot her? 

  • Well… 

Ah gave um a recap on whit happened earlier aboot the condom packet thing the fact they two wir shagging with oot protection. 


  • Naw he sais in disbelief 

  • Aye 

  • Yir Joking, he sais 

  • Ah wish ah wis ah replied 

  • Bloody hell, he’s really pushed it this time hasn’t he? He sais

  • Aye

  • God ah hope he’s no goat an STD  

  • Aye, same an all man. 

  • Ah mean he’s a prick but ah still like um and that ken?

  • Aye ah reply 

Sure, we hate Robbie but we still care fir um. All ay us ur like brothers tae one another. Sure ah’ve goat wan but he’s no thair, he’s fucked off doon south tae Manchester tae live wi ma auntie, fuck knows if he’s coming back. He did say tae me he wis getting sick and tired ay Livingston because thir wis fuck aw tae dae. He’s right. Ah don’t know why ah didn’t go doon wi um. See when you are living in Livingston, you feel so grounded and far away from everything. It makes me want tae fucking top masel. This town hud so much potential when it wis getting built but in the end it makes Cumbernauld look like fun place tae go tae. 

  • Dae ye ever get sick ay living here? Ah sais 

  • Eh? James replies 

  • Like, dae ye feel as though that yir so far away fae everything? Ah sais 

  • Whit’cha mean? He asks 

  • Like whenever ye go tae a big city like Edinburgh wi aw the shops, Arcades etc. You feel as though yir living so far away fae everything. Ah sais

  • Och, aye that feeling He reply 

  • Aye ah reply 

  • Whit aboot it? he asks

  • Dinae ken really. Ah suppose that was trying tae make conversation. Ah sais 

  • Oh, I see, aye, ah get that feeling a lot he sais 

  • It’s a shame, like aw good shite is in Edinburgh or Glasgow and we get left wi fuck aw Ah sais

  • Aye, it’s the cooncils fault really James sais 

  • Aye, like the forum, whit we gonnae dae wi oot it? ah sais 

  • Fuck kens man he sais 

  • Club Earth? Ah sais 

  • Too wee he sais 

  • The Night spot? Ah sais 

  • Nah, if wir gonnae get bands tae come here again like ‘Aerosmith’ or ‘The Prodigy’ then will huv tae get a venue like the forum  

  • True ah sais 

 An hour hud now gone by. Ah’m sitting here bored oot ma nut. So is James. Ah could easily just top masel oan how bored ah u. Oh wait Nevermind here she comes. Ashley hud a bandage on her nose and she wis in a wheelchair fir some reason. 

  • Why she in a wheelchair? James asks 

  • She said felt dizzy so we put her in one so she didn’t have to walk all way the down the corridor. The Nurse sais 

  • Ah ok James understood 

  • Ye feeling better Ashley? Ah asks 

  • Ah suppose she sais 

  • Ah well, yer aw fixed up now ah sais 

  • Ah’ll leave you’s to it the Nurse sais

  • C’mon then we’ll get you home James sais 

  • Thank you ah sais tae the nurse 

She jist smiled at me 

  • Can you stand up? James sais 

  • Ah think so Ashley sais

We helped Ashley stand up but she insured us that she was fine. So we goat oot the hospital, and despite the taxi driver yelling at me earlier he wis actually still there when we goat oot.

  • How much dae we owe ye? Ah asks 

  • Nothing, this one’s on me he sais in an Indian accent

  • Cheers ah sais 

  • No problem he replied 

  • Where dae ye stay aboot Ashley? Ah asks 

  • East Calder she sais. Langton avenue. 

  • Langton avenue, East Calder please ah sais tae the taxi driver 

  • Ok he replied 

Once we drapped aff Ashley and her maw wis in tears 

  • Omg, what happened tae ye? She sais

  • Its awrite maw ah jist fell Ashley sais 

We sais thanks tae the taxi driver and decided we’d jist take the bus hame. We clocked X28 tae Bathgate and headed back tae Polbeth. 


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