Category : Poems

Sub Category : N/A

A girl with abandonment issues and a boy with trust issues fall in love.
He rubs her dangerously flattened stomach that’s silently twisting and turning as her fear grows, her fear that he’s losing interest, her fear that he’s going cold, her fear that he’s going to leave her, yet again.
Meanwhile his thoughts are running marathons; “she’s talking to others, she knows she could have any man that she wants, she could do so much better, she’s so excruciatingly perfect there’s just no way that she’s content settling for me,” he thinks to himself. 
“I love you,” she mutters under her breath.
He remains silent. 
“I love you,” she repeats, louder this time, so she’s sure he can hear her.
“Do you?” He asks.
“I do. So much more than you know. I love you so much I would give up everything and everyone I hold dear to spend every waking moment by your side, catering to your every need, fulfilling your deepest desires. I would give you everything I have; I’d give you the clothes on my back if you were cold, all of my most prized possessions just to see a hint of a smile on your face again, the air in my lungs if you were struggling to breathe, my heart if yours was failing. I’d give my life to protect yours because I love you; I love you so much more than I love myself,” she said to him with complete confidence. 
“But why? Why would you sacrifice your happiness to maintain mine? Why would you give everything for me, someone of such insignificance, someone who holds so little value, someone so undoubtedly inferior to you? Why do you continue to wallow in the hurt I inflict upon you daily just by being who I am? I’m too prideful, but still so crushingly insecure, I’m untrusting, an over thinker, and I know I take it out on you. I’m accusatory, I lash out, and I say things that I don’t mean. Why do you put up with that? I’m so unworthy of your affection, and yet you’re still here showering me in it. So I ask you for what is probably the hundredth time, why do you love me?” He responds.
“I love not who you are, but who you once were. I love the way you treated me in the beginning, the way you coddled me, clung to me, respected me, cared for me so unconditionally. I love the image of you I hold clear in my head. I’m hopeful that you will act that way with me again one day,” she thinks to herself, but that is not what she says. 
“I love you because you are you. I love the way you talk to me, the pedestal you’ve placed me on, the way you look at me, the way you present yourself, your humor, your subtle intelligence, your indirect way of caring for me, your tough love which I gravely need at times. I love you for several reasons, more than I can list off to you, but know that I love you more than life itself,” she says to him. She didn’t lie, she loves all of those things about him, but nevertheless it was nonsense. She pulled together whatever words she could find to speak aloud and spoke them, struggling to find the right ones, or any that correlated. She knows that all of the reasons she just gave him were real, but she also knows that they’re losing their meaning, as his love for her appears to fade with each passing day, and he’s gradually stopped doing all of the things that made her love him in the first place. 
He falls silent once again. He doesn’t believe her, just as she hardly believes herself. They both sit there in silence for what seems like an eternity, until he manages to respond back to her “I love you too.” 
He stops rubbing her stomach, gets up and walks over to his bed. He invites her to lay with him. She joins him, silently crying herself to sleep in his arms. The reality of it all hits her, this love was not meant to be. This love has already ended. But still, she will stay, because she holds onto a strong sense of false hope, and she refuses to let go.