Change My Name Read Count : 54

Category : Poems

Sub Category : N/A
I'm starting to think that I should really change my name
This gut wrenching feeling when I hear it stays the same
I'm not the pretty little girl that I used to be
Straight As and honor rolls the perfect little Blondie 
I didn't know
i trusted you
I was thirteen 
Acting older than my age maturing simply 
Painful memories
Silent screams
The perfect symphony 
I should've known I didn't know...
Through your mask pedophilia bleeds  
Your voice sends shivers up my skin
Spiders crawling from within 
I'll take your life but that's a sin
A night of stolen innocence

The night when violent thoughts were born 
A devil wreaking havoc in a silent storm 
You asked me if I wanted you to make me cry
A broken nod 
A new picture
Showing children grotesque porn 
Now in my head you live rent free
An all consuming flame that just won't leave me be 
I bleed myself at night hoping to put you out 
It's not my fucking fault although I'm still in doubt 

You looked at me and whispered that I couldn't fucking tell
Had your hands up on my body
I'm in fucking hell 
I closed my eyes and hoped for sleep 
hoped for death 
hoped for peace 
I feel so gross
Feel disgusting 
Ripping skin from my body 
A hell that beckons peacefully 

Now every time I'm touched I'm fucking thinking of you
Tortured memories that I have to fucking live through 
It's like the way a smell takes you back when you were young 
Ironic memories 
Life without a tainted tongue 

Now I can't fucking breathe 
Drowning in an ocean of the blood you made me bleed 
Just want some retribution I'm fucking sixteen 
I don't think I deserve this
Going fuckign crazy 
Sandpaper on my body 
Your hands were everywhere
I felt you underneath my skin
You don't belong there
You don't deserve to see the fucking tears you made me cry
Don't deserve to see the blood spilling from my eyes 
I know you fucking loved it and that's what made it worse 
The devil came and played with me and left me fucking cursed
I know you wanted me to bleed 
You wanted me to hurt 
You don't deserve my body 
You don't know what I'm worth

I get panic attacks that wreck my fucking body
I'm seeing fucking red
My visions getting spotty
I think I bled too much tonight...
Should leave a note
 but what to write?
I fall asleep
Grip the blade tight...
I mean it's what he wanted... 
Right..?
~RaeVyn~

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