Category : Poems

Sub Category : N/A

At times, more often than not, I wake throughout the night too ghosts hands that once caressed the most intimate parts of me, not there anymore. It's to the smell of what remains of you. It's to the feel of you beside me, yet In truth all that I lie next too is the emptiness and wrinkled sheets you used to lie in. It's too my lavender filled room, candlelight casting shadows around the walls of my solice and my freshly shaven legs beneath freshly washed sheets.
 I sit beside the window nowadays, mostly, daydreaming hours away in deep thought.. processing... Remembering youthful days where I ran barefoot chasing fireflies, collecting as many as I possibly could to put in mason jars creating night lights... Mesmerized by the thought of having majestic pets in secret, tickled by the feel of fresh cut grass beneath my naked, virgin toes. A place in time I wish I could place in  constant repetition as a never-ending cycle of my version of heaven. A solitary safe Haven free from heartbreak and pain. Free from personal afflictions. Having inner peace, self worth, an abundance of worldy knowledge and a heart of strength. These are only daydreams of course, my window lied to me; showed me beauty instead of truth. Left me vulnerable in a room haunted by the remnants of.. you. You're horror and glory. All the passion and pain you poisoned me into not being able to live forward without. You've burdened me with the addiction of you and left me sick without you, my medicine. Also, My kryptonite, the same antidote that fuels my plight. Through many days I stare out my window, I peel through multiple layers of realities unsure of the one I actually sit in and so day by day I mentally fight a life sucking mental battle with no clear end In sight through murky vision and muddled fright. But one thing is clear and one thing is right.. that the one you left me in is knowing that no matter your presence or no matter your absence the painful lies and comfortable embrace you brought into and out of my life has left me knowing that in life you can't have happiness without pain and that the value of Life comes with a price. But that in all the years I've truly lived I've also barely survived leaving only memories of love and passion and delight. Though I struggle and ponder of what's yet too come I am also excited because my story is still being written. You were a great chapter addition but you didn't get the glory of ending this edition.