Category : Diary/Journal
Sub Category : N/A
No, I never wanted us to end. You pushed me away when I was still in love with you. You never told me why. You never asked me what I wanted, when it was you. Being with you felt like a dream. You loved me exactly the way I needed to be loved. You never shouted at me. We never fought. There was no reason to. To love each other came so easily. Like it was meant to be. I could never get tired of your kisses. I would never have gotten tired of you. Your arms were my favourite place. We fitted together so perfectly. It was a beautiful dream of what could have been. It was never supposed to end. I was never ready to let go. I never gave myself time to get over you. I admit that I'm still struggling after so many years. Only God can help me get over you.
I have to put myself in the place where He can do that. That means that I have to turn my back on you to face reality.
To what is right and best for me.
He told me that when he first laid eyes on me, he knew that I was the one he wanted to build a life with and grow old with. He built dreams around me in his heart while I was building my own around you in mine.
He said that I am safe with him and that we are too old now to still fight with each other. He does'nt want to fight with me. He's tired. He is right. We are to old for this. I do'nt feel the same way in his arms the way I felt in yours, but I do feel safe. In a way I can never again be in yours. I pray to God that I will someday love him the way he deserves. To do that I have to let go of what was, of what can never be. I have to stop torturing myself about what could have been. Just to see you hurt me. It hurt in a way that I can never put into words. It scared me too.
There will still be days when I won't be able to stop my tears. Days when I go into the room that once was yours, close the door and cry. Cry over you and the love we lost. Praying to God for a miracle that would erase you from my memory and from my heart. Because you still are that beautiful dream that I will always keep on carrying in my heart untill God takes it away.