Bastard Read Count : 97

Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

You did it, you finally found that one and only thing that broke me forever. Did I think you would ever have the balls to do that? no! but I knew something huge needed to happen in order for me and them to continue to live. If not  I would not be here right now writing this. So it has taken me 10 years to finally write about this, think about it, and get angry. I have this new ugly feeling inside me, it's dark, and evil, it hurts me whenever it makes its presence. All my life I have never ever had these feelings, it's tiring  and draining, but I can't control it. It takes absolute control of all my senses, physically and mentally. I can't forgive you for what you did. I had forgiven you for all the other things you made me go through in the past, but then you go and do this!!! I cannot ever forgive you for that. I hate you, and sometimes I wish I can bring you back only to put you 6ft under again. You fucken selfish piss of shit. To think that I wasted so many years trying to help your sorry ass!!!!!!!!!! You coward, I kept your sick demented  different personalities a secret. I was the only one who wanted to help you, I was the only one who cared, and truly loved you.So here it is, as raw as i can possibly put it. I was 13 years old  when we met. You were a gangster bad guy, and I was the stupid, naive, innocent church girl. I knew nothing at all whatsoever about your world, and you were intrigued to meet (bubble girl) like you called me. The first time you saw me, you said that i wasn't even looking your way, and that sounds right, i wasn't into paying attention to guys, especially, wanna be thugs...yeah tried too hard with that remember, although you were popular with my church girlfriends. They were not raised in a bubble like me. Time passed and we finally saw each other again. And that one day was just the blinding beginning of a very scary, confusing, disturbing, HARD, and physically, and mentally abusive, but in secret, because I had no choice but to keep it a secret. I have to say I learned a whole lot, and what I learned I mastered.  I became a great Master of hiding my life to everyone around us. Things were good when we first started dating, I was a pussy scared of everything, and well you were you. But at the beginning I was finally able to show off to church friends, I had an older, Neighborhood thug, and that was the cool thing to do at that time. I won't lie, I felt really cool and I was able to finally  make them hate the ass females I was around and respect me. Back then if a girl had a boyfriend that was a gangbangger then she was cool, only thing is all of that scared me. But I was somewhat cool to certain people. I wont get into much of that at this point. Right now I'm just  addressing how fucken angry I am!!  I know I was just a bet, and for some reason your sick ass decided to keep me . I was your punching bag, you put the fear of Satan in my soul.  I was so sure I could change you, but hell no, you did not want to change, you attempted a few times, but that did not last long.  Your damn inner demons were stronger than the will you were born with. Moving in with you was so exiting at first, until one night that your evel personality made its presence, you tried to trow me out of the car, thank God one of your friends was with us, but then after that you both were so fucked up that you decided to drive to one of your spots were you would score and we ran into a girl you were fucking, and she was just as fucked up as you. She convinced you to leave me stranded there, I had no Idea where the hell I was. I had no money, no form of communication, I spent almost a week with no food, just water that an old man that stayed there would give me, later on he became the old man in the dark. Tbc...

              By Arri Strong

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