Category : Poems

Sub Category : N/A

(I wrote this for my brother who committed suicide in June 2021.) Middle child, just living with his mom. Resenting his dad, born into a broken home how does one dare to move on? Siblings so distant, living a life so lonesome. What is a family when you feel so alone? Sitting alone in a room trying to feel something; crave nothing but connecting. Only think and think but thoughts of suicide are all that conjure up since the age of thirteen. I love my family but why not join the army. Then maybe they can kill me cuz I can’t since I’m too cowardly. Im hurting, drinking heavily to drown out the fact that I feel like dying. Deployment didn’t do it, success couldn’t do it. Man, just fuck it. Let’s eat a bullet, no one will give a shit. June 8th comes, I can’t it’s my idols birthday. So, I’ll write a death book because to those I love what can I even say? I’ll just wish my brother a happy birthday. June 13th, all alone, I’ll just lock the door. Just can’t take it anymore. Why’d you do it staff Sargent?  Did you think your life was unimportant?  You were important, trust me you’ll never be forgotten.  I don’t know how I feel about this, as your older brother I think it’s all bullshit. You were by yourself and you never reached out for help. I know I couldn’t fix it all but you put a bullet in your head expecting us to move on… I have mixed feelings with this. If you want my honest opinion you’re fucking selfish. Im mad, sad and helpless. I don’t mean to come off insensitive but we were suppose to get through this. I know you’re sorry, but look what pain you’ve caused by taking away the best of our siblings. You were the best of us, now we have to just try to reach the potential you could have reached, what a bust…You left us, you chose that because I’ll never be like Moses. Those Meaningful Words.