You Are Worth So Much More💜 Read Count : 1412

Category : Blogs

Sub Category : Self Help
All about me

i’m going to introduce myself for the people that don’t know me. I’m Macy and i’m from Brookhaven Mississippi. I’m homeschooled , and I’m the middle child of all my siblings. 

When it all started. 

At the age of 6 my parents got divorced, and i was so confused. I would just blame myself for it because one day he just left. Six months after they made the decision he finally came back. When he came back he had a new family, and that really messed with me. He started acting different towards me, i was a daddy’s girl. He and his new wife was mean to me, and still to this day I still don’t know why.

Growing up

 Growing up I was very athletic, I played soccer, softball, t ball, basketball, and I was a cheerleader.  In 7th grade, that’s when my whole life turned around. I started getting raped by my older cousin, and I blamed myself for it. After ever time he would touch me I would soak in bleach, and scrub my skin until i bled trying to get him off of me. None of it workout for me. 

Self harm 

After, the bleach and scrubbing didn’t work i started cutting myself. It went from a few cuts at a time to twenty every time. I started having suicidal thoughts and wanted to end my life. I hated everything about myself from my head to my feet. I wanted to be someone else so i didn’t have to suffer through this. I attempted to commit suicide over ten times in two years. 

Eating disorder 
 
Since I kept the rape to myself it weighted my down, also things were getting worse with my dad. I started eating my feelings, and I gained so much weight because of it. I gained over 90 pounds over it, which made me hate myself even more. One day at school some guy said something about my weight, that crushed me. I started making myself throw up. I got very depressed during this time because i was so insecure about myself.  I have lost over 90 pounds because of my eating disorder. 

Mental hospital

July 10, 2022 I slit my wrist over 40 times, and made my decision that I wanted to end my life July 13, 2022  I wrote notes for all my friends and family  so they wouldn’t be confused or blame the themselves over me doing it. July 10, my sister seen my wrist and panicked. She was screaming and so was my mom. I got into the bath to process what just happened. My mom walked into the bathroom to see my wrist and the look on her face made my heart absolutely break. She called my aunt and asked her what to do while I finished taking my bath. My mom called brentwood, and spoke to them about me, I talked on the phone with them right when I got out.  My mom came in my room after I gave the phone back and told me that I was going. She packed my bags for me, while i got dressed. When I was there I got diagnosed with Major Depression Disorder or (MDD) and got the right medication for me. When I was there I finally opened up about the rape. My family was so supportive of me going, and me being there helped me realize that i’m not the only one struggling. 

When I got home

I got home July 22,2022 my family was so happy to see me, my little sister jumped in my arms and I broke down. I had the most heart warming messages from my siblings and friends. I started therapy, and counseling. I have been home for 4 months now and I haven’t always had the best days. I had to learn that I can’t let my past define me and that I have to become better. I am finally gaining weight back and I am beyond proud of myself for how far I have came. 

thank you if you are reading this, I promise you it will get better eventually even if you think it won’t. you are worth so much more.  I am always available if you need help. 
you matter💜!  

socials - snap - macyj.1 
                     ig - macymalenaclaire_
my number - 601-991-7421 


suicide hotline - 800-273-8255

Comments

  • Nov 30, 2022

  • Nov 30, 2022

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