Never Here Read Count : 19

Category : Poems

Sub Category : N/A
Never here. Never feeling like I belong . Always out of place . My mind races . My heart . Everything feels like time . Flying by. While I'm sitting in place. Finding a career. A work place . Family to make you feel at ease. But yet I'm here. Feeling alone. Head filled with doubts . Not real life senarios. Just alone . No one understands. I don't understand me. I hate me . I hate the life I've created. I don't want to be here. Everything feels fake. Everything feels out of place. It's me . Everything me . I put myself here. In this sad place in mind. I stay here. I live here. Where is the exit ? No way out. Trapped in my depression. Hidden in my anxiety. My very abusive twin . Gets me every time . She never leaves me alone. Taking over my control of life. The one that is always here . But I'm here end up alone . With her. How do I live like this ? I don't.  I want to erase her. Me . And watch from above what everyone can be and is without me . She tells me it's better off . We'd be happier. Living day by day . Trying to get by. Always upsetting someone. My lover . Nothing is ever good enough. And I'm crazy . Too much for him . I have to leave . I have to flee. I need to live a different life. Where no one knows me . Where I feel like I got in. Even then .  I'm alone . With me myself and her. What used to make me happy doesn't. My body drags. My body aches. My head hurts . My chest hurts. My heart hurts. My soul is gone . Feeling like nothing but a Shadow. Then that's what I should be . I'm better off . Watching from above . Tried so hard to be a good person. Now her my anxiety is taking over . I'm a recluse . I'm nothing. Not worth anything. Not good at being an adult. . not being good to myself or others . It's over for me. I've givin up this battle.  I'm never here. With my fogged brain. I'm never here . Never here. Not near. The me . I used to know . I'm gone . Never here . 

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