Category : Blogs

Sub Category : Miscellaneous

I don't see me right now.
Another day, but this time; 
I blacked out, an official relapse.

I can't do anything but hate me.
Tripple H, but this isn't wrestling.
Hopeless, heartless, and hateful;
I'm fucking drowning in them.

Lost to my rage again?
Did I flip out again?
Saying to myself again, "God I hope I didn't do something too horrible."
I'm getting tired. 

Here's my heart, it's not the color you'd expect.
Black from the pit of self loathing and anger;
Where the fire burns hot but will never incinerate.

This is it, the truth you want?
My heart is right here;
Every word, every tear. 

I was blind, I was stupid.
I talk a lot because I'm sick of losing people, but that loses people too.
Everything's just about gone, and this last fuck up
Has me just, burying myself even further into self hate.

I can't find a way to stop, so from here on
I won't talk and I won't drink.
I promise myself, I will never be the same person you met or what I see when I look in the mirror.
I won't be this fucking wreck anymore.
I'm tired of believing I'd be better off dead or they'd be better off if I was dead. 
I'm sick of needing to feel pain because bleeding and pain felt better than what was currently at heart.

I'm sick and tired of my own shit, just like the rest.
So when it comes down to it, I'm thankful for the few that are left.