Trigger Warning My Beginning Read Count : 19

Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A
I have debated a long time if I wanted to share my story but I feel, if I write it down those feelings will have been shared and not be so intense… I don’t know.
Let’s start with the beginning I’m not going to use any names of people or towns.
My mom was 16 when she got pregnant with me. Both of my parents were headed down bad paths before then. My mom, changed her life hoping to be a great mom and she is I love her with everything in me! My dad did not change his life he messed with pills, alcohol, weed and couldn’t keep a job and this was in the 90s so weed was still illegal and frowned upon heavily. I don’t really have anything good to say about him except that I love him and I pray that one day He gets saved and accepts that Jesus died on the cross for his sins so that he doesn’t have to go to hell! Who knows he may be saved I don’t know. He isn’t around and really never has been.
Years after my birth I don’t remember everything but unfortunately what I remember of my time with him is negative my parents fought violently my dad has a few domestics over the last 30 years with multiple women. He left when I was 2 or 3 I remember a couple nights not super well and I’m not even sure if this was the same night or not. I was potty training and once during the night he was puking on the floor and then later passed out over the toilet. My mom had to push him aside so I could go to the bathroom. 
I’ve been told he would leave for days at a time and leave her with no car no way to get diapers so she would hang out diapers to dry. She also had to hide money some in a plastic baggy in the toilet tank. I remember the day he decided to leave I sat on a milk crate for hours waiting for him to come back after another bad fight! He never did! My mom told me that she gave him the option to stop with the smoking and drinking and drugs or leave her and us kids (at this time there were two of us now me and my sister H. This is my only full blood sister to this day!
Looking at what I’ve written here and thinking about it of course, I’ve thought about what really happened because he never came around and when he was invited never showed up; whether that was because he couldn’t show his face or wasn’t allowed I’ll never know I have thought about requesting the documents from court about the whole situation so I could choose for myself but when I got older I gave him multiple chances to have a relationship with me, with little to no effort on his part. He calls a few times a year mostly the holidays I did get an out-of-the-blue phone call about a week ago. He was just on a lunch break and called to see how I’ve been doing. 
There was however at some point visitation he also never showed up for that mom says she wrote down all those times he never showed to help her custody case to keep us safe 
As a child, while only in headstart I was put on adhd medication. I was never good at making friends animals appealed to me more then the girls at school if I had a friend I’d only have one and hang out with just that friend. If they were really good friends I’d share with them my special sitting place where I watched and sang to the chipmunks I was a weird child. I collected rocks and ladybugs and put them in my jewelery box to this day I wonder where that jewelery box ended up. When I was about 6 I think my mom started bringing a man around we later ended up calling dad except he wasn’t my dad he was a bad man.

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