More To Lose Read Count : 15

Category : Poems

Sub Category : N/A
More to lose 

I keep replaying,
The phone call in my head, 
Us saying goodnight to you,
Knowing in our hearts,
it was our goodbye,
Hearing you unable to speak, 
Will destroy me all my life,
As I pretended I'm optimistic, 
Giving reassurance,
That you're strong and will fight,
But truth be told, 
You fought for years,
To stay by our side.

Through illness and ailments,
Hospital stays and losing pride,
Smiling through the pain of it,
Just trying to stay alive. 

I don't know how you did it,
Still to this day,
Keeping so positive,
Through all the strain,
When I can't seem to smile,
Much now you're away. 
Even though I know it's not what you'd want,
It's hard to be the same. 

You see I lost myself that night,
Without being your daughter who was I? 
Without being your carer what do I do with that time?
There was peace,
No more fight for your care,
For your rights.
But no relief did I find,
From letting go of the battle,
And placing the armour down,
Just led to an internal blight.

All the phone calls I pick up and fake,
All the moments you've missed,
All the visits I used to make,
All the plans that have been dismissed, 
It seems like no time,
Has passed at all,
Yet we never had enough time,
To get through it all. 
I still feel myself fall,
Right back to that day, 
Right to where you left me,
Buried in that pain. 

You see its hard to get my head around,
The thought of you being gone,
When you were my safety,
You were my home. 
And the one person I need, 
To make it all better,
Is the person who I can't reach,
Car, call or letter. 

They say it gets easier,
As time passes on,
But I still live the 5 steps,
Of grieving your gone. 
It seems more like a circle,
Than going up stairs. 
Because I can't say goodbye to you,
So I pray you live on,
In the frail scars of my heart,
In the words of your songs. 
Watching down on us,
Making you proud as you do,
I love you forever,
But God I miss you. 

By Trish Huntley

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