Category : Poems

Sub Category : N/A

Sweat, breath, fun and stress.
This is all we are now.
Screaming, insults, so sick to death,
just clinging to each other somehow. 

Is it pleasure or pain?
I don't know.
From one moment to the next
it's never the same. 


Confused and unsure?
Put a check beside my name.
we keep revisiting the past,
when there's nothing left to gain.

You stand me up,
I still spend hours waiting,
and I always forgive you,
without ever hesitating.

I show up,
You don't want me here,
It always rekindles,
those old rejection fears.

But you're hard now,
You can't be moved by tears,
So I act like it doesn't matter,
And my eyes are always clear.

But of course it matters,
How could it not?
You're at once my greatest strength,
and the worst disease I ever caught.

You suddenly go silent,
I don't hear from you for days,
You pick me up and drop me,
Like I'm a passing phase.

My inbox sits empty,
The phone is eerily quiet,
I sit and wait throughout the day,
and I pace the floors at night.

I'll begin to gradually feel,
That old familiar panic,
you always do this, you always desert me,
changing the future just as we plan it.

I'm not used to this feeling,
An unpleasant sensation,
Being just an option to you,
when it's you I'm always chasing.

It seems that now,
A pattern has emerged,
You only seem to call me,
when you get a sexual urge.

Since it's you it hurts me, 
it makes me feel small,
I used to be your everything,
now I'm just a booty call.

When you return to work,
and the fun is briefly over,
that's when you turn cruel again,
or give me the cold shoulder.

You won't answer my texts,
you block all my calls,
you ignore my emails,
and off the planet you fall.

My mind and my dignity,
always get outranked,
as soon as you appear again,
I forget it all and can't think. 

We repeat the same cycle,
Spend days laid up in your bed,
I stay high off of the cannabis,
and all the sweet bullshit I'm fed.

We stay cuddled up,
bathed in each other's sweat,
repeatedly reaching chaotic release,
till the bed is soaking wet. 

Then it's back to the grind,
back to reality,
you make plans with me,
then bail on a technicality.

I know this pattern,
I've seen this process,
I have it memorized,
From all the times I've watched this.

Sweat, breath, stress and fun,
this is all we are now,
hanging in limbo, never really done,
trying to let go but don't know how. 


~ Rachel G. Ezell