I'M STILL ME Read Count : 20

Category : Poems

Sub Category : N/A
Sticks and stones will break my bones,
but your words fucking killed me,
you make it okay by saying that I've changed,
but no motherfucker, I'm still me.

I'm still the Rachel from the motel,
I'm still the Rachel from the hill,
I'm still the Rachel who gives a shit,
I ain't changed and I hope I never will.

I'm still the Rachel who loved you,
more than anyone else ever did,
I'm still the Rachel who left everything behind,
even though I myself was a kid.

I'm still the Rachel who mixed mortar for free,
every day in the hot sun for a year,
I did it because you had to go to work,
and I just wanted to keep you near.

I'm still the Rachel who proposed in the pool,
while you held me at my cousin Steve's,
you thought it was a bit too early,
but I knew I never wanted you to leave.

I'm still the one who toughed out the bad times,
cause even then we always had fun,
I'm still the one who gave birth three times,
so that you could finally have a son.

I always supported your decisions in life,
no matter how hard or drastic,
whether it was quitting your job or relocating us,
I was flexible, I was elastic.

I stayed with you through thick and thin,
Stuck by your side like glue,
I always showed up each time you called,
And no, this was nothing new.

Each time you hurt me I forgave you,
Because my love and my loyalty stayed true,
Each time you broke my heart I always came back,
Because I didn't want to live without you.

Every time you said you didn't love me,
I stuck it out through those times too,
Because even though it killed me,
I knew I could love you enough for two.

I had enough love for the both of us,
It never left even when times were rough,
I thought that maybe I could make you feel it too,
If I stayed at it for just long enough.

But your love was disappointing,
Always coming and going,
I knew it wasn't genuine or true,
so I felt my resentment start growing.

Why didn't I deserve real love?
Why didn't I deserve kindness?
Why did I have to bow and scrape?
"Won't you please love me back, your highness?"

I grew more certain,
With each passing day,
That I wasn't ever loved,
And never should have stayed.

It took a while,
For my own feelings to fade,
But looking back now,
I see the progress I've made.

You do still hurt me,
And you do it quite often,
But now it takes longer,
For my heart to really soften.

You do still taunt me,
And try to stoke my fears,
but now it takes longer,
To reduce me to tears.

The tears are drying faster,
The ache has almost passed,
before long this pain I have,
Will be a memory from my past.

I'm still the Rachel that you met,
I'm also a Rachel that grew stronger,
I'm now a Rachel who knows her own worth,
And that you can't hurt any longer.

~ Rachel G. Ezell
      09/16/2019
   










Comments

  • hi

    Sep 08, 2022

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