No Title, Just Contentment Read Count : 32

Category : Poems

Sub Category : N/A
I can not begin to put to words how therapeutic it was to look into the eyes of the man from whom I came.
I can never be able to clothe in vocabulary the healing that came with being in his arms when he hugged me, knowing that this is where I came from. 
I was in tears when I wrote a poem about him in 2014. And I was wrong about him.
Even as I write this, I have tears.
Overwhelming disbelief and relief fill my heart.
I am content.

Several people want me to question where he was all this time. But I don't. Because now I know better...but even if I didn't,
The past is unchangeable, we can't go back. But the future is ahead.
I'm turning twenty eight next week so we lost twenty eight years, but I won't waste a minute more worrying about what I should do with the next twenty eight. I know.
And so would they...
if they walked a day in my shoes. Or his...

Did anyone ask me if I wanted my daddy when I was one, five, thirteen, or twenty one?
Did anyone ask him if he was really ok? Your daughter- growing up without you? 
I'm sorry you went through what you did... You're a good man, very noble
And so here we are

True. I didn't get to be three with him, or twelve, or eighteen, but I can be Makarios. The Makarios that jumps in with both feet, the Makarios that loves with her whole heart, the Makarios who doesn't care what anyone else thinks. 

I've given my love to the people in my life for twenty eight years. That won't stop. 
Love isn't divided into shares that run out. 
And there is someone now that I love so deeply, I can't even get my words around it.
Does he not deserve the same amount of devotion?

"Why would you need your father if you had a great childhood?" That's unfair to ask.

"Why are you acting like a love sick teenager?" Well! How would you act if your father had to wait twenty eight years to be able to tell you how much he loved you, wanted you and wished you both would be united? 
How would you feel if you found someone who was just like you, understood your heart, could finish your sentences?

Two people cut from same material. 
Two people, who carry the same blood and DNA, personality traits, and quirky habits. Two people- who didn't realize the gaping hole wide open in the absence of one another.
Two people who need time. Time can't be brought back, but God in His mercy has given us time now.

Fathers- they bring identity and value and worth and love to human beings that nothing else can.
So I'm going to love my dad with every ounce I've got.
I'm not going to flinch when people wonder why I'm going to see him for the 19th time this year.
If I'm not going to question calling my mom every day, or visiting her for lunch, seeing her on Sundays, holidays, vacations; then I'm not going to question it with my dad, especially because he and I are twenty eight years behind.

Comments

  • 💜

    Sep 01, 2022

  • Right, time can't be rewound. Love this. ❤️

    Sep 01, 2022

  • 💜💜

    Sep 11, 2022

Log Out?

Are you sure you want to log out?