The Journey Through Losing Myself And Finding Myself Read Count : 23

Category : Blogs

Sub Category : Miscellaneous
I'm not here for the likes, not even the comments or messages.
It's all about stress relief, and easing the sadness.
I'm sick of believing their words, that I'm trash, a heaping pile of garbage.
When you find out messaging the people you care about everyday; only gets you yelled at and ridiculed. I used to say good morning and good night to everyone, but all that died out when everyone started yelling about it.
I changed, I can only blame myself.
I did what they wanted, I officially stopped talking everyday. Every time I'd meet someone new they'd say, "don't be afraid to be yourself," but they eventually yelled too.  
No longer able to be myself, I didn't know who I was anymore. Kept repeating the same cycles, and eventually found out I turned myself into a narcissist. I still cared enough to do what they wanted, but I was miserable.
Every last friend I had or still have, fell for the ones I fell for, and then I became the bad guy because choosing to distance myself for a while also got me ridiculed and treated like trash. 
I'm the joke, the one they all poke at still. The one they laugh at, because I can't seem to do anything right anymore.
They don't keep my secrets, but I keep theirs. 
Life's pretty twisted, trust me I know. Tired, but somehow, I found a way back, even if just slightly. 
I no longer talk to anyone everyday, I've been holding conversations with myself so much this past year. "You don't need to talk to them everyday, let them have their space. Be patient, but don't hesitate when certain moments arrive.  Don't take what they said to heart, you're only being yourself. If you're talking to a woman you have feelings for, don't press, ease up, don't force your feelings down her throat, because frankly who knows how many other guys she's been dealing with on the daily. Believe in yourself. Don't give into the self-hate that comes after what they say to you. Give your time willingly, but don't be too friendly. Don't stop being you, one day a female will choose you for you. Stop cutting your arm up every time things go wrong. Don't let death take you on your time, let him take you when it's truly your time. Stay calm, don't get angry when they choose another, no matter the three or seven years you put in constantly watching them get hurt, just be there as a friend; nothing more and nothing less." These conversations with myself, are bringing quite the change this time around, so here's to the next story hopefully there will be a different ending. 

©Ichi Go

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