I'm Outta Here Read Count : 75

Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A
I’ve been stuck in this place for so long. A place so dark and full of pain, a place that was eating me up and tearing me down slowly but surely. I was so consumed by this dark funk that I don’t even remember what it was like before you and I hooked up, without all the memories of us always flooding my mind.

When I lie in bed at night, with the silence of the world cloaking me in a serene quiet, that’s when it’s the worst. My mind would hit the playback button, rushing through the thoughts of us.... the happy, the sad and the things that tore us apart. It all seems fresh to me, even though it’s been quite some time. I just can’t seem to move on. I don’t know how to make the pain of your betrayal go away. I can’t heal because I don’t know how to let go.

The people I have in my corner have been so wonderful, being there for me as I fight the demons of our failed relationship. But they can’t go there for me. They can’t bring me out of the haunted hurt of times gone by.

So, as I sit here writing it all down while holding onto the memories and the feelings, continuing to replay it in my head... that’s when a calm settles over me. With a harsh realization, it finally hit me. I can’t move forward if I’m stuck in the past.

The baggage from us is weighing on me so heavily, I need to let it go and find a way to breathe again. I know it won’t be easy and it’s going to be a journey, but it’s one that I must make, somehow. Continuing to fixate on us and what went wrong, what went right, and all the stuff in between is only hurting me more. I can’t take these feelings anymore and I refuse to be tormented by this any longer. So I’m going to make my move and bury deep the thoughts that have shackled my heart and soul for so long. I'm turning the page and starting a new chapter.

Holding onto 'what could have been' won’t change anything and I’m done letting it slowly eat away at me. I want to be free from the anguish of a time long gone. It won’t be easy, it won’t be fast, and it definitely won’t be painless. But deep down, I know I can do it.

I’m letting go of what has been so that I can embrace what could be. I feel a gentle flutter in my heart, something that I haven’t felt for some time. And I remember the most powerful feeling of all... Hope.

Hope for a better tomorrow, a brighter future, and most of all, my happiness. I will end up where I was meant to be, doing things I was meant to do, and living the life I was meant to live. Letting you go hurt like hell but it's not the end of the world for me because now I can do what I couldn’t before.... close the chapter and start over.

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  • Mar 05, 2022

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