Dear Diary Read Count : 93

Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

As much as I promised not to over think 
But there are these days where I remember all the good things in my last relationship
The thought is quickly covered by the hurt
I fail to take out the good out of it
Seems like I don't feel what I felt at first 
Now it's more like I wish I can forget all this so 
I don't just go angry out of space
Getting angry at the fact that I loved so much and I broke,
I get angry because I'm a whole different person I'm calm but as soon as I start thinking about it in pass I rage

I'm slowly getting who I should start being onwards
But these thoughts keep holding me back
They just make me feel like I failed
That I lost a good thing for nothing

I cannot even look at anyone 
I am afraid to be attached
I'm fearing the fear of fear itself
I cannot raise my eyes and look at someone over the horizon

Yet, yet I want that love again
I wanna get sick in my stomach every night
I want to giggle to sweet texts 
I want to jump out of my inner skin once in a while
I want to sing with the birds in the morning 
I want that hand on my neck 
The lips on my skin

I'm more sensetive now 
I am against being a fool again
I am against the stomach anxiety turning into chest pains
I hate short term goals
I want a life timer, a forever

I still believe that I'll soon love me enough to balance my excitement and reality, untie tight and uncomfortable waist strings... Taking it one admission at a time

[Journey of finding self]



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