Category : Poems

Sub Category : N/A

 Have you ever laid in your bed with wonderless taunting stress? I mean your in bed yet your pillow feels like heaven but prison all at once. I lay there thinking of how i hate the way i cant control my ocd or anxiety or fucking my ptsd. Ive lucid dreams. Have you felt yourself rubbing your scalp to relieve tension in your fucking head begging it to just quiet down let your mind get off this fucking treadmill of thoughtless hell? I feel the pressure press down on me i almost feel like im fucking sufficating!! When im literally in my 4000 dollar theroputic California king size bed. I ask myself wtf cant you stop ? Why cant you sleep quit caring your life is good. But i cant help it. I feel the stresses of letting my daughter go to innocent skater rink party but part of me wants to be selfish keep her home so i know that 1 percent chance of bad wont happen. Do you know what its like to fucking feel crippled to decisions so basic. My god doctors tell you ptsd gets better how the fuck do they know. Did you know proven fucking fact if you dk how it physically or mentally fucking feels then you cant tell someone who lost a husband at 30 !!! My god as i sit up look out the dreaded window with stark black sky and a wisp of unwanted cold fog cant help what it feel like to be free run away. Yet we love happy cozy home life but we all drift away after our babies been fed. Read to. And...bathed off to bed. They come first. But as parents we just give into this vaccine not asking wtf its free? Why!!! With they stop blind siding us tell fucking truth. Will we be ok? No!!! I know we all do. So i write channel my fuct up stress. Today my jaws been popping. Yeah do you know from what? Fucking being to smart and lazy and over thinking. Wtf smart lazy together! Idk but its jan 5 first page. Hope ppl feel something.