An Ode To A Year- 2021 Edition Read Count : 12

Category : Blogs

Sub Category : Motivation
2021 was a good year, no, a great year. I have absolutely no reason to say that but they always say to speak in this so called future tense. 2021, the start of my first intentional decade, its hard to believe the things that happened this year actually happened. 
Like the stage of psychological development in a child, yes, the stage where you dont believe anything exists outside you. Is it a weird reference, well Im a child at heart and the events of this year make me believe it so much more because its hard to believe I met a guy I thought would be my ride or die in February and its hard to believe we dont talk anymore. The events in this year make me believe they didnt exist. Is it just a dream though, a dream that I didnt make those mistakes, a dream that I didnt lose those people, a dream that I was mentally stressed...
They said to us at the start of the New Year that this would be a chance to get back all we lost in the lockdown. They said the stock market; the economy at large would get back on its feet but they never told us that we the ones needed to do that would pay a price, or is it that we never cared to ask at what cost? Is it too late to ask? At what cost really? 
I for one wasnt told about this world of disappointments and rainy rainbows before I left high school. I was introduced into this world where I thought youd be with the ones you had from the start. That was until in the worst way, if I may add, I found out that you never really know someone and then I was left with so much hurt but thats not the point.
2021 was surreal and now in the last days, I can proudly say we made it, well I made it out alone, bruised and battered and not dressed in battle gear, fighting against all I faced without a gun. Dont blame me, I wasnt informed and its too late to leave the warfront when youre already there, especially when you really have no backup so why turn your adversary. I wouldnt give anything to go back to the start because at the end I loved the challenge, or was it the rush of adrenaline and the panic, the depression and a touch of the arrays of anxiety attacks. Either way, it was a real ride, almost like it never happened.
They call us flowers, well 2021 taught me to bloom another year, like any other year. Id rather stay under the shade, watch others bloom and wish ii was that fearless but Im not. Im not a scaredy-cat; I just prefer not to pass through the light. Id rather stay in my little blind spot, like I had found a little hack to life.
2021 taught me a lot in letting go. How could I not learn though? When the lesson was forced down my throat. I loved and lost, I held on tight and busted my knees holding on to the trail they left behind. I dont know what I wanted to say to them peradventure we met up again.
A quiet hey and wed be unblocking each other. I lied to myself. One of those little holy lies to shield myself as I slowly took in the scenario and I realized I could finally stop lying to myself that they didnt deserve me or that I didnt deserve them. The truth would always remain that it was perfect while it lasted and I would hold on to that memory like we would never meet again. And I would hold them high up because I dont want to remember them for how they left, I want to remember them for the laughs and the times we smiled, I want to remember them for the beautiful little butterflies that I now know as common sense leaving my body, thats not the point though but I really will remember them for the many lows they went to that I tried to be there, I want to remember them for how strong they are to go through all the year threw at them with a smile on their face, I want to remember them for all the times they motivated me to not give up and I hope they find the right mental space. This is a mini thank you to them, one they probably will never hear nonetheless I for sure wont be where you left me though but if you think well ever cross paths, Its fine and if it wont, Im still that one big fan that wants to see you pick yourself up even if I have no right to contribute to it anymore.
One of the many things Ill be forever thankful for is that I finally learnt to let go, to not expect much or anything really from anyone or anything. It also thought me to accept myself. So this is me, Id rather stay indoor with a good book or a good person, I dont like pressure and if I end up being in a public environment that doesnt end up giving me anxiety attacks, then I have a talent with people watching.
Ive been mentally stressed and I mentally crawled to this gate, learning a few lessons in letting people in but I know I havent been so damaged to fake that I wouldnt go again. So Im proposing a toast, yes, a toast to a beautifully crappy year, youre not leaving my memory anytime soon.
This is a cheer to those set to love themselves a lot more next year, set to develop themselves a lot more, set to guard their mind and guard their heart. Why wont you though? After all, out of it proceeds the world...
2022 I hope for so much more though. It can always get worse but it isnt going to because 2022 was a great year. Yes I used that future tense.

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  • Jan 03, 2022

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