Category : Blogs

Sub Category : Spirituality

When I first prepared myself to set out on this spiritual journey, I knew it would be long and arduous. Initially I wondered where I was going, and I realized I didn’t know and it was up to me to decide. I was aware that since I arrived with nothing, I would also return the same way. Upon my arrival here in this world, I did arrive with nothing - naked in body and memories, that I had no choice but to depend on those around me. They taught me what, where, when, and how. A few years later it all changed. It wasn’t them; it was me. I started to ask, why?

I received various answers from different people and by the time I could make my own decisions, I still didn’t know where I was headed or why, but I had clues and I followed them. People talked about these places called Heaven and Hell, which both had rules to get in. It made sense, because from the moment I arrived, rules filled virtually every moment. I concluded… making decisions out of love got you into the first and decisions based on fear, into the second. Content I had a clear picture I hit the road with purpose.

When I thought I had it all figured out, it all changed. It wasn’t others; it was me. I started to ask, when? Heaven was proving difficult to locate. I would catch glimpses, only for it to slip away. Hell was much easier to find, but it left me feeling empty and unfulfilled. I asked around and people told me I had to wait until the end of my journey and then I would know. It didn’t sit wellwith me so I kept up with my wandering.

Years down the road I was still searching for answers. Just when I thought I had found the answers to my many questions, it all changed. Again, it wasn’t others; it was me. I started to ask, where?  Some told me, they sought a new destination which made the journey easier and it was a place called ‘happiness.’ It sounded good, so I joined in the search. It wasn’t long before I got very confused, because no one could agree where it was located. Some sought it in others, some in money and things and people seemed to have happiness one day, only to misplace it the next. Happiness proved as fleeting as finding Heaven. It didn’t sit well with me so I kept up with my wandering.

It's been years since I arrived here on earth and it's been years since I started out on this quest of looking for answers however it feels like this journey is taking me through many different maze. I decided to pause from my wandering to look within to see what I have learned so far and while doing that I can start ticking all the boxes. While I was doing that it all changed again. It wasn’t others; it was me. I started to ask, what? Those voices I kept hearing wouldn’t shut up. Sometimes, they were from people, but mostly they came from me. I worried about my opinions. People wouldn’t like me if I thought differently and every time I considered believing ‘I could,’ a voice in my head would respond, ‘you can’t, because…’

That was when it all changed again for me. It wasn’t others; it was me. I stopped wandering and I stopped asking questions. I expected it to be the end of my time here, when, as I had been told, I would return with the nothing I was promised. It didn’t happen and at first I thought I failed the purpose of being here. Then one day I heard another voice which wasn’t mine.... “you’ve been busy,” it said.  I listened, and the voice told me more. How it had been talking to me since I arrived, but all my questions, worries, fears, and constant chatter made it impossible to hear. “Wisdom whispers, and Knowledge echoes” the voice said. So now I make time for quiet because I now know it’s there where I'll find my way. Best of all, I know exactly where I am going. 

I decided to resist less and surrender more to the flow of life through me. If it brings chaos and destruction, I am now aware that it comes with a chance to rebuild and rise anew. If it brings pain and suffering, I am now aware they are accompanied with lessons, wisdom, and the art of healing. If it brings solitude, I am now aware that I am on the right path for to reach solitude I would need to go within, on a journey of self-discovery.

I am going home… and I hope they will consider making an exception to bringing nothing back, because I want to take with me what I have learned. Maybe, they will allow me to let you know when I get there. It won’t be in a voice you’re familiar with, but just maybe… it will be in a whisper you hear, in a quiet moment, when the questions you have been asking for so long no longer matter, and the journey, so long and arduous was worth every moment.