Category : Blogs

Sub Category : Miscellaneous

I’m a depressed man, I know depression. I’ve had it since I was twelve. You know I’ve had to wake up in the morning forced a smile and move along, it’s very tough trying to make it through the day. When I smile I make others smile, when I laugh I tend to want to make others laugh too. Everyone only ever sees a happy laughing man, not a broken unhappy mess. I am a mess inside and sometimes on the outside. I’m chaotic and imaginative. I can be severely destructive to my environment and body. All these things are me. 
On top of all that, it doesn't help that I don't have a good job or loads of money. It doesn't help that my wife emasculates me and gets irritated at me. It really isn't her fault, though. It never was or is, it's always my fault and always going to be. My depression saps my energy and steals my motivation, I'm always tired and in pain. Again the pain is my fault for taking a job that had damaged my back and arm. My wife will always tell me ”well, that's your fault.” this statement will always cause a small argument with her and I. I'll tell her I don't need to hear that, and to leave me alone because I know full well that that was my fault. My wife will then say something like ”why do I have to be quiet about it, you're punishing me and your family by not being motivated.” I hate to say this but, those are big words coming from someone else who is depressed as well. Now you may be thinking ”Woah, what are the odds, two people married and together and both are depressed?” actually it's not as uncommon as you may think. All across the world depression has become damn near a pandemic. Yes, I said Pandemic, depression is everywhere, actors have it and we know that because they pop up on the news after they take their lives, almost like a last cry for help. A lot of audio artists have it and you can hear it in their lyrics and music. Most criminals have it as well (some are just psychotic). Politicians and writers, not to mention our military heroes and veterans who cry out for help and never receive it until it's too late. It seems our government is almost unwilling to help and assist. All they want to do is shove pills down our throats and call it good by chemically addicting us to pills, so began our ”opioid” crisis. More depressed people wanting to get away from their problems with drugs. Soon enough we will have a society chemically cowed to listen and behave according to law. The government wants to take our guns, or let untrained people carry them. This world has now evolved a certain type of human now, the complaining obsessive confused confrontational mess. They are easily offended and very confused.  Speaking of being offended, now we have social media, and other outlets to vent and troll and offend. We've all seen the old triggered memes, wide eyes open mouth in anger with a finger in the air to punctuate a point that severely offends them. Just another depressed soul on both ends there, the one who trolls and the one that gets offended. Could this truly be an unending cycle? Is there any way to combat this disease? Will we ever be truly happy? What do you think? 

It appears the world is headed for a new dark age at this time, an age where depression, recession, and offended people will wage a war that no one will win. I sit here preparing for a war over what is left of my mind. Will the sad happy mask I wear everyday win? Will the urge to join the darkness prevail? Will we be the zombies of our own making? 
Of course, if the darkness prevails and we are all put to the test would we win? 
My depression is of my own making, I let the world mold me into this wasted and hopeless person I am today. Every single day has become a struggle and a battle to be happy. I look at my daughter and smile, at least I was able to do that right. I am a father and a crappy husband. I'm a kid at heart, but old at sight. I am me, I'm too scared to kill myself. This darkness eats at me every day and causes pain that I choose not to show to the likes of you. It flows through my veins and drains my energy. My mask protects me from outward attacks though. Without a cure this darkness will fester and eat away at me, it will eat everyone eventually so I will just have to carry it to the grave. It's the only way to be sure. Not everyone can carry this burden, at least not for long. I have seen it kill and eat some of my friends and friends of my friends. No matter what I will always be a sad happy person.