Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

I couldn't control how much I wanted to talk, now I'm left here with a disgust toward myself. Regrets, regrets, so many regrets. Now though, it's been half a year, and you're still the only person that stands out clear. I'm afraid if I don't talk to you everyday you'll choose someone else like everyone else. I'm afraid if I'm too silent you'll never choose me too. God knows, I tried to be just a friend, but my heart can't let go of that Angel of Hope. It's been three years since then, before that I truly believed there was nothing worth hoping for anymore. I didn't tell you how it truly made me feel because you were leaving state, you were really happy about it so I felt like I couldn't tell you. Not believing in myself was also part of it. I'm sorry I can't control how I feel. I'm sorry for chasing you away. I'm sorry for praying for growth and hope the night before we started talking again on my birthday the third year after you returned. I'm sorry I'm so worthless. I'm sorry I'm such a broken record. I'm sorry I can't let go of that future I saw with you and still see even now. I'm sorry I still haven't told you how fixing that angel made me feel. I'm sorry I can't let go of that little bit of hope I still have. Overall, I'm sorry I'm me. I wish for once that all this self hate would just leave. I'm not reaching out to anyone new, I made sure I never would. I deleted my accounts, I left all those dating sites too. I even made a new messenger account where I only have a few people. This time, I haven't ghosted until I feel okay again even though it's what I want to do. I still go to my best friend's place to visit while hoping I get to see you. I'll never hate you for anything you do, I can only hate me because I can't control how you make me feel.