More Truth Read Count : 29

Category : Blogs

Sub Category : Miscellaneous
Here's to not surrendering to the demon called alcoholism.


It's been a hard road;
I kept losing myself, time and time again.
I hated myself, for a long time;
And truthfully, I still do.
I'm trying to forgive myself;
But I keep failing.
Regrets, I've got plenty;
The main one is not being able to jump off that bridge. 
This darkness consumed me;
Changed me, taking everything I was. 
It got to the point, where black outs were a regular day for me.
I popped pills a lot too, even od'd a few times, but still I didn't quit using.
Took my grandmothers death to finally reach a point where I got sick of what I became. 
Being unable to carry her casket because of a be back at the jailhouse time frame, hit pretty hard.
Maybe I'd have ended up differently if I would have faced the person I left that note for so long ago. 
That was when the self hate took complete hold. 
I'm trying so hard to not hate myself;
I'm trying so hard to forgive myself.
I'm trying so hard to believe I'm not as worthless as I think I am.
It really is, one hard road to walk.











Comments

  • Dec 22, 2021

  • Dec 22, 2021

  • This was full of emotion and umm I understand the pain of falling and feeling it's harder to get back up. I try believing it will get better but I'm sure it will. I related to this poem even if I don't struggle with drinking I understand everything that you wrote.

    Dec 22, 2021

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