Internalization Read Count : 86

Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A
For months I asked myself repeatedly why you chose to play me. I spent so many nights gathering reasons why I was the one who was being played, taken advantage of and then left to feel the hurt all by myself. I kept asking the same old unanswered questions over and over again to try to make sense of why this happened to me. 

At one point, I began to doubt what I have. I began to look at what I lack. I began to compare what I have with what I don't have and I began to fill my gaps with screaming failures. In short, I was literally tormenting myself for months. 

I always love without shortage. 
I always care without asking for anything in return. 
I always show compassion and empathy. 
But.... was that enough? 
Am I enough? 
Was I loving too much or too less? 
If everything was enough, then why was I never appreciated? 
 
For months, I wondered what made you play and betray me.... why I was the one who was left behind. 

Today, I realize I've been asking the wrong questions for so long.
Today, I stop asking why you left. 
Today, I ask myself why I stayed.

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