Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

I have always been told I was an Empath but never really fully understood what that was until last night. It is so important to find out exactly what that means when you find out you are an Empath. I never took the time to find out the details and so I am to the point I feel like I am honestly going crazy. Last night I was to my breaking point laying in the dark when it all came flooding in my mind what is happening to me. 
     Lets start from the begining. I grew up as the odd child. I could always see and hear spirits. I had an unusual fascination with anything scary. I dont like light so yeah I was extremely odd. When I was in high school I got interested in witch craft. Nothing unusual there. Then life took over and I forgot about all the things I had inherited. They say when you become an adult you lose your innocense and push away all the things that you knew as a child. 
     I had someone very close to me introduce me to Wicca. Living in the bible belt makes its not easy to be a witch. I had extreme internal issues about what to do. Everytime I would push it away though I was drawn even closer to it. It was always brought back into my life. I would start dablling in it then fear would push me away. It would be brought into my life again. I began joining sites and facebook groups to help me learn more and grow stronger. 
     Thats when I found out. I had a fellow Wiccan tell me I was an Empath. Looking up what an Empath is I found out basics that was it. There is no information out there that can go into enough detail of how good and bad it is to be an Empath. I did what I could to grow as an Empath. I thought feeling what was wrong with people could help me to help others. I never knew what I was truely taking on myself. I can feel what people are feeling. I can look in there face and know what they are thinking. Its so sad to see the mask people wear when you can see right through the mask. I have people look me in the face and say things that I know they dont mean. I can see what people think about me yet they smile and lie through there teeth. I just walk away knowing the truth. Its a sad and lonely life to live. 
    i grew stronger as an Empath not by choice but because it was something I could not control. The more I was around people and felt there feelings the stronger I got. Soon I was just me. I had felt so much I began believing that what I was feeling was my own feelings. My feelings would change dramatically in a short amount of time. I felt like I was going crazy. Why was I going from extremely happy to rage in short amount of time for no reason. Leaning towards my Wiccan sites I asked for a reading. There was a women personal messaged me saying she would love to do a reading for me. When the reading was starting she said she couldnt do it and blocked me. I have had 2 other women recently to do a reading on me then when it came time they backed out. I just sat and cry not knowing what is wrong with me. I became withdrawn. Its a lonely feeling when you have noone because you lose yourself. 
   You cant trust anyone because you know how they really feel about you. You cant even trust yourself because you dont know if its actually your thoughts or not. This weekend was the worst though. I started living with some friends. They decided that they wanted to seperate. They was having extreme problems and I spent all week crying. I wanted to leave and just be alone. There was nothing bad going on between me and my husband but I did not want to be with him anymore. I was laying in bed last night and a flood of emotions came over me and realizations that brought light to what was happening to me. I was feeling the feelings of the people staying with me. I was becoming the girl who was so upset at her husband that she left him. It was extremely scary because I was not myself. Then other realizations started coming into my mind. As a Empath most of my life was spent living other peoples lives. I nstead of using my gift to help others it had turned into a curse for me. I was being the people living there problems as my own. There is so much more to being an Empath than I ever imagined. Now comes the question how do I control this? How do I find the real me now?