Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

I am over living this life I seem to choose for myself, my life path 22 is very hard to live up to. Numerology says that I live in the shadow of becoming the most successful out of all life path numbers, but I feel like my bad decision making through out my life has lead me feeling nothing more than personal support.
I can't seem to break this chain of bad habits thats holding me back from becoming the true person I'm meant to be. Not learning from my countless mistakes is frustrating and has made me desperate for a change.

What's confusing is that, I know the necessary sacrifices I need to make in order for me to break free from this misery and self abuse, but I just don't know how to assert it in to action.
Keeping notes of my past experience and what I need to work on, has only helped unload my burdens and the need of Wisdom, but applying what I know into action is almost impossible. Everytime I enter my sober mind, I become overwhelmed with emotional stress and am faced with obstacles that a normal mind would easily resist or overcome.
It's complicated for me to try and balance my marriage and finance to support my family, because I don't have my priorities straightened out. I need to accept responsibilities and put my kids on a peddle stool, acknowledging that they need me to support and love them.

Why can't i control my actions in making bad choices....?  I know what I need to do but applying into fruition is like being a mute and not being able to get your message across in words.

When will I ever learn....? All I can do is pray to Jesus for his support and guidance, so I can achieve happiness and not interpret it as chaos