Some Stuff Read Count : 17

Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A
I moved to Oregon as a junior in high school I didn’t have any friends until I finally found a group of stoners a couple whose names were Vivian who attended the same school and the boyfriend was already graduated, owned a house and vehicle. The other friend was named Willow and I really felt as though we had a very special bond between us. Willow, Vivian, and I would get picked up by Vivian’s boyfriend and go to his house to smoke on lunches and breaks usually as well or free periods. Willow and I started hanging out gradually but literally every time we did I’d feel butterflies in my stomach so much and just be laughing and really into her, how fun, cute, and just nice it was to be with her. We would cuddle and spend the night together sometimes multiple nights in a row with school in between the nights and we’d also kiss. We’d kiss all the time I have her bitterly, Eskimo, cheek kisses, kisses with and without tongue. The more I was hanging out with her and kissing her so many times there were opportunities in bed with her I was on top of her and was wanting to go down on her so unbearably. I did touch her all over and also hug her but besides her neck I never went further because I honestly was confused if she was feeling the same way. I’m public and at school she was very cold and distant until we were in private well at least comfortable around the group friends setting. This went on for quite a while and it became very personal going to both of her parents houses and always texting. 
So at school one day a friend of Willow’s told me that they asked her if we were girlfriends and she said no. After this happened she seemed to be cold to me even in the friend settings and I was uncomfortable and scared to talk to her and just I stopped going there and hanging out with her and it was awkward at school. We all graduated and then went off with our lives and then she randomly contacted me out of the blue two years after we graduated asking how I’m doing and she said she had a boyfriend and was living in Seattle and she was good. I was confused why she just added me out of the blue and we talked about some of the relationship mainly how I just wanted more and she said she did too. But that doesn’t line up… two days ago from today now she tries adding me again randomly on Snapchat and I add her on accident I really didn’t mean to add her I was meaning to ignore but then immediately almost she sends a message saying: heyyyy girl!!:) and I unadd her and block her. Then I talk to my boyfriend and explain the whole situation to him and luckily he is calm and doesn’t get upset at all he just is understanding and says do I think I want to be friends and I said I’m not sure but now we’re texting. She asked me why I unaddressed and readied her and to be honest and I told her basically all of this that I was confused and wanted to be her girlfriend so I was upset and kinda angry when she just added me out of the blue. Is this understandable or am I really letting my feelings get the best of me. I’m sorry for this being so hard to understand and such nonsense.

Comments

  • Sonya  Bracisco

    Sonya Bracisco

    And hasn’t replied since I told her everything she just left me on read. .

    Jul 17, 2021

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