Category : Poems

Sub Category : N/A

I did feel sad after
But I felt like a human being sad
Not like sadness pretending to be human
Suddenly sadness became an emotion 

But my body is bad at letting habits go
Whenever I was awake 
My body would tell me all the thoughts I didn't think any more
Like a song I couldn't get out of my head
My brain kept saying words it can't forget

I am still hurting
But like someone on land
Like someone in pain, but awake, someone who can walk away from it, or scream for help
It doesn't feel like a constant state of drowning anymore,
Drowning silently

But it's so hard not to want to walk back into the ocean,
When it's the only one speaking my language
It's so hard not to get dragged back down
When the people around don't even recognize my face
My face, which has been washed over by the waves, liked soft, shaped different, like a stone lying on the bottom of the ocean for too many centuries
At least the ocean watched it happen, at least the ocean still knows me, the only one who isn't over my disappeared features

Now, I still hate every part of me that doesn't fit like it's supposed to
I still don't want to change anything
I still don't congratulate her to her birthday, because I am still so afraid of my own voice
I still don't make space in the elevator, since I am still talking it up with my problems
I still hurt
The only difference now is, that there is air in my lungs, that I can choose what to do
I can choose now
So why do I still go back to my bed