Category : Poems

Sub Category : N/A

Coping or running away 
No matter what I call it, still ends the same. 
In too much pain, nothing to lose thinking I had nothing to gain
So I put down my smile and picked up a drink
That night I lost my virginity, was a christian and saving myself for marriage, does it count if I hardly remember it?
Wanted to fix myself, ended up more broken than I could imagine 
Now every day I stray further from me and further from God
Don't have it, want it, get it, lose a friend, lose respect, forget some nights, throw up and say I won't do it again
Always happens again
When will it end?
Taking more control from my already out of control life, basically got handed a gun and shot every person that loves me when I didn't feel loved so now they can't love me I'm all alone
Don't know who I am
Was once a good person but now I am stealing and lying and angry and crying and talking with monsters for reasons I can't understand
It's taken over, took my mind now it wants my soul 
My drinks are a demon maybe that's why God left me
Now I am empty why am I still heavy?
The bottle broke me
Tore me down, can't turn my life back around
I need it, need to drink, to escape make it so I can't think
Want it, want it to go away, wanting to feel relief but it's now a part of me, wanting it every day. Every second. Can no longer imagine a life without it
My dad drank me away now I'm doing it to him
Surrounded by bottles, can't afford this problem, price is too high wanna say I won't pay it, say I'm not fading 
Living in denial is this living at all?
Drinking was there when I took a fall
Disguised as a helper, disguised as a friend
Instead put more chains on my legs, made sure my arms were tied tighter, held me down so I can't feel better 
Would have been trapped for a while 
Now I'm here forever