Category : Books-Fiction
Sub Category : Romance
The former pastor
I was a united methodist minister. I had a mental breakdown. After a time in a psychiatric hospital, I decided to step down from my church for a while. I taught some classes at a nearby college. I worked hard time as a bank teller. I tried to take it easy.
I had a cat. I wAs determined not to become a cat lady. Nothing felt right. I was afraid to say too much. I had no desire to return to the asylum.
At home I watched television. i loved jeopardy even without Alex's track I was ridiculous.
I watched the news one night. " in Morrison, a minivan with a husband and wife and three kids were hit by A distracted driver. The driver was texting. The passenger his wife was killed. The children were not harmed. The passenger was identified as a 29-year-old leane grant of Morrison. Her husband mathew grant was driving. "The reporter said.
I was mortified. Mathew was the pastor of the gospel baptist church. His church was an independent fundamental baptist church. His church was more conservative than mine. He did not believe in women pastors.
I disagreed with him. We were always cordial. I felt bad for him. His wife has just had a baby. Now three little girls under the age of ten would be without a mommy. I decided to wait a while before I sent my condolences.
I knew that it got harder after things had died down. Everyone else tended to move on. For him, that was not an option.
I knew the stages of grief. I know it came in stages. I knew that grief was linear and circular. They ebbed and flowed. I waited for a couple of months.
I sent him flowers. I sent a note along with it. I hoped that it would be a help for him. I hoped that it would be an encouragement to him.
Matt had taken time off from the church. He slowly returned to his pastoral duties. He eased back into the church. He had resumed his office. He had fully returned by the time I sent the flowers.
Matt was in the office that day. His sisters Marissa and Alesha were watching the kids when they came. Matt had come home when he saw them. " what are those?" He asked. "They came for you today. that is a letter attached with it. " Marisa said.
He opened the letter. "It's from Becky the methodist pastor," he said. "Oh ok. " Marissa said.
He told me that he did not read the note right away. He waited until his sisters had left. He waited until the girls had gone to bed. he went to the living room. He opened the letter. He read it.
"Dear pastor grant, I am so sorry for your loss. I was shocked when I heard the news. I have been praying for you. I decided to wait to contact you. Other people tend to move on, it's normal. I know you can't run away from it. I can't begin to imagine all you are going through. I know that you have a good support system. If you ever want to talk I am here for you. Becky. " she said.
I never expected that he would contact me. I was in my living room when he called. "Hello. " I said. "Hi, is this Becky?" He asked. "This is Becky. " I replied. "Hi, this is matt grant. I got your flowers. Thank you. I appreciate that. " he said.
"Not a problem. I am glad you liked them. " I said. "This was a good day for them to arrive. I was having a bad day. I had been doing well. I had started to enjoy being a pastor again. I was looking forward to going to the church. I had forgotten about liane. I got ready to go home and it hit me. Everything came flooding back. I just lost it. The flowers came at a perfect time. Your note was nice. " he said.
"That is going to continue to happen. Your going to feel good and then your going to feel bad. Then you're going to feel bad about feeling good. You're going to feel guilty. It's natural. " she said.
"I was back. I was me. Then I am not. She was such a sweet and godly lady. She was a great mom. Nina will never really know her mon. Macy will forget about her. How can I keep going without her? " he asked.
"She is with the lord. She is far happier than she has ever been. Her task on earth is done. Yours is not. You still have things to do. Your kids need you. You can help them not forget. " I said.
"I am having a pity party. " he said."i will let you. What's a pity party between friends? "I asked. odd that I said that. we were not friends back then. We became friends that day.
" will I ever stop feeling like this?" He asked. "In time.it may take a while. I know that's not what you want to hear. " I told him. "I know your right. I can't imagine moving on." He said."you will. How your feeling now will not be how you feel later. "I assured him.
"I know that," he told me. "Just don't give up. Have your pity party but then go back to work. " I told him. "I will," she said.
Our phone call lasted over an hour. "Well, I should let you go. Thank you for the flowers. Thank you for talking to me. It's helped. ", he told me. " not a problem matt. "I told him.
" can I call you again?" He asked. "Of course any time. My evenings are pretty free. most nights it's me, my cat, and Netflix. Please call me!" I said. "Thank you so much," he said.
I had no idea that both our lives had changed after that phone call. It was a new beginning. Neither one of us thought of it that way. A romantic relationship was the last thing on our minds. It was not even on our minds at all.
I did not know if he really would call me again. I never expected him to call the first time. He called the next night. I saw him on the caller id. "Hi, Matt!" I said. "Hi. How are you doing?" Did I ask? "Better today. Nina is growing like a weed. I had a good day with the girls. " he said. "I am glad. Enjoy life. Enjoy time with your family. " I suggested. "I will. Talking to you last night was a huge help. I guess I needed to talk to someone. " he said.
"I am here for you. I meant that I am so glad it helped. " I said. "How are you? I knew you had some difficulties," he said. "I did. I am doing better now. I know you probably think it is because I should not be a pastor. " I said.
"I will let you figure that out." He said "ok. I am dealing with things I did not want to deal with. I am not superwomen I guess." She said. "I am glad you're doing better. "He said. " thank you for asking." She said.
"How are things at the bank going?" He asked.", they are going well. I like doing it. I am easing back into things. I don't know that this is what I want to do forever but it is working out well now." i said. "That is the way to do things. one thing at a time. " He said.
"Definitely. I am not sure what's next. I am in a good place." I told him. "I can see that. I am so glad to hear that, he said. "You will be in a good place someday. " I told him.
"I can't imagine that. It does not seem possible," he said. "Don't think about what you have lost. think of what you have. You have a five-month baby girl. She is discovering the world. You have three little kids. Your kids are adorable. You have a close-knit family..you have a church that cares about you. You have memories of leane. She was an amazing wife. " I told him.
"That is very true. Your right. I did not think of it that way. that changes things for me. That put things in a different perspective. " he said. "That why you have me. Different perspective " I said. "I guess so," he said.
That night we talked again for over an hour. I had no idea where this would go. i did not know if it would go anywhere. I enjoyed the conservation. I was pretty sure he did too. I was not sure he would admit it but I was pretty sure he did.
I did not hear from him for another week. We did not have any management or anything. he was under no obligation to contact me. I decided to let him decide when to call me or if he would call me. I was a little sad that I had not heard from him.
A week later he called. "I hate to do this. i a having a really bad day. I hate to put this on you. " he said."yeah stop that. I told you I was here for you. I meant it. This is going to happen. Four steps forward, two back. "I said.
" I know. I keep thinking I got to tell leane about this or that. "He said. " I had a feeling it was something like that. "She said.
" there was a guy dressed in a chicken costume. he was trying to get signatures for an animal cruelty prevention bill. I had to fight to not laugh. liane would have loved that. She was so shy but she was so funny. It hit me. "He said.
" I can understand that. "I said. " will it stop hitting me?" he asked. "Eventually. It won't be for a while. " I told him." this is going to keep happening?" he asked."i am afraid it will keep happening. that is why I am here. "I said.
"Oh ok. Thanks, Bec," he said. "you're going to get through this. You will come through the other side. This will be a distant memory. It will be a painful memory but a memory. It's not forever." I told him. "Ok," he said.
I knew he was not sure about what I said. I think he did believe me. It was just hard. I think he knew that he could trust me on this.
One day when I was working at the bank. Flowers arrived. "Is Rebecca grinder here?" The delivery man asked. "I am Rebecca. " I said. The other tellers were curious. I never got flowers. "Do you know who is it from?" A taller asked. i was Perry sure it was from Matt. I looked at the card later on. Sure enough, it was from matt. "I wanted to thank you for everything. You are a food friend. I hope this brightens your day. matt". It did brighten my day. I did not think of a relationship with him back then. It did not cross my mind. I appreciated him. I was glad he was in my life. I feared that this would not last. He would move on. We would go our separate ways. i tried to not get too attached. This was not the time. I tried to maintain a detachment.
Matt and Becky continue to talk.
- No Comments