Category : Stories

Sub Category : YoungAdult

No AC. 
Just a fan. 
No lights on. 
Just the hottest sunlight from my own windows. 

Hey mom, I got fired. Can I come to your place to stay at least for a month?

. 
. 
. 

I've typed that long message in my phone, ready to press the send button but I cancel it and deleted the message. I exhale in front of my laptop. Frustrated. 

I'm all by myself in my apartment now. I've been jobless for months and now I don't have much money left to survive for the next season of my life. I lost my job since the pandemic had begun. And now the only thing I could do is going back to my hometown at Scarborough when they allowed the domestic flight. Or at least when the restrictions has been lifted. 

Hey Mom, may I...

Then again I pressed delete for million times today. 

I bite my nails and keep thinking. 

Should I text her? Or call her? I always prefer to text her than talking on the phone but....

Or should I wait for her to text me first? 

I still have left some ego with me. Honestly I never thought I would do this. Texting her and asking for help, that's not me. Really. It against my way. But, then again I really don't have anyone right now. I have no choice, not even a single option to choose. 

I don't want to think about her too much. All I want to do now is an action. Because if I wait till she texts me first asking about my current situation it was like me waiting for Tom Cruise to propose me which means it's impossible. Well, I know my mom so well.

I immediately pack my bag. I don't want to think about the result anymore. I just want to do what I have to do. I only bring some important kind of stuff like clothes, my phone, my laptop, and my journal. I've booked an online ticket to go back to  Scarborough by bus. One hour later I am already on the bus. Yeah, I took a bus to go because it's cheap but also means 5 hours I have to sacrifice my butt and my tailbone to suffered. And always put mask on. Wash your hands. Social distancing bla bla bla. They keep repeating those rules along way to go to Scarborough which I don't care as long as I could find somewhere safe to stay for,, at least after I found new job. 

5 hours 30 minutes later. 
Tadaaaaa! Finally. Here I am now, standing in front of the front door but too scared to ring the bell. But finally, I did. I am so nervous. Well, I haven't met her since I moved out when I was 17. Now I am 30 means we haven't met in person for almost 13 years, my gosh. 

Yeah, I have to admit that I never wanted to visit her during that time. I was too busy with my own life, my career, my friends, my social life and she's been forgotten by me, her daughter. I feel so ashamed. I didn't treat her right. And I wonder if she would ever forgive me. 

I braced myself and knock her door three times. Then I am waiting. "Hi Mom," I said to her when she opened the door. I looked into her eyes. This is awkward, so awkward. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I am frozen like a statue without a medal on my head. 

"Jen?," she said, with full of questions mark on her face. That voice, yeah that witch voice I supposed to hate so much when I was a kid. A witch voice of her that always love to scream and yell at me for whatever the hell I did. And now her witch voice is cracking me up. My eyes watery. I tried to holding back my tears but it's so god damn hard. 

"Yes, me," I replied to her with an awkward smiley face to her, to cover my watery eyes. 

"Oh. Come in. Why didn't you text me first?" 

"Um, surprise." 

"Surprise? You don't like surprise, Jen." 

"Why I wouldn't like it?" 

"Surprise means unprepared plan and you hate unprepared things, Silly." 

"Oh, really?" The saddest part, she still doesn't know anything about me. I dragged my legs to enter the house. "but honestly, I just wanted to give you a surprise, Mom."

"You know I don't like surprise."

Hmm. It's just a few seconds we both on the same spot now we were on the different sides again. Ready to have the next chapter of argument. I smirk at her, act like an idiot. "Where is Jeremy?" 

"He was working abroad and just come to visit every once in a week." 

I nodded. I don't know about it, seriously. Now I would not even dare myself to ask about dad. It would be the very last topic I would ask. 

"Hey mom, can I...?" 

"Did you lose your job?" 

I'm looking at her with a big O face. I haven't said anything. I suppose to but she cut my line. She's literally like a paranormal, she always knows in case bad things happened to her children. And she's always right. Oh my god, what kind of person I have to deal this time? 

"How do you know that?," I asked her. 

"Did you watch TV or read newspapers?" 

"No. No time for it. Before."

"It happens in this world nowadays, Jen. The virus caused so many damage for every aspect of life. People lose their job. People lose people."

"Wow." I nodded. Unbelievable. She knows that. She keeps up with those news on television and even on newspapers. She knows but she doesn't even make a call just to ask my condition whether I am still alive or no. That's her. Yeah. Never change anyway. "And you never even make a call for me." 

She kept quiet. Not expecting me to say that statement I guess. 

"And I am 100% sure you immediately made a call for Jeremy at least 3 times a day just to asked whether he eats well or skipped his breakfast in the morning." 

I was mad and so upset knowing this thing. It's always about Mom that make me upset and angry. Thing like this, it's not new for me. The fact that she love Jeremy more than she loves me. The truth that I was being left out from this family because she never wanted to have a daughter. She treated me differently since I was born. And sometimes I wish I have never been born in this world. 

"You never call me and why would I have to call you and disturb your busy life over there?!" 

Now I kept quiet. I'm tired with all of this. I'm so tired. I don't want to have any argument with her. I just want to rest and sleep. Till I forget about this pain like how I used to do. 

"You only come back here with 2 options. One, you need help. Two, you have no choice. And right now you had been picked by those options." she added again. 

"Yeah you right," I added some words to reply her. I feel like she doesn't wants me here. I feel like I don't belong here or anywhere. If I could following my ego I could have just leave and I promise myself I will never come back unless for funeral. But this time I put aside my ego. Because I literally have nothing and I am already here now. 

"I don't cook today. And I don't want to do it now. You can eat whatever frozen food I kept in the kitchen. Or go to a restaurant nearby." she said without even a single smile on her face anymore.

"Why you said that?" I asked her nicely. 

"Because you don't like my food. Asian food. You prefer Western food like Spaghetti or Steak. Put yourself in fancy restaurant."

"I mean, stop being mean towards me! Stop being rude and stop believing that I was useless person!" Finally I lost control. I couldn't handle it any longer. It feels like an ocean in my belly, roaring and wanting to explode. And it just happened. 

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!" she starts yelling as usual. And in between minutes if you keep responding her statement she would come to you and started to hit you with her own hands. "I've raised you since you were born and this is how you're going to pay me back?! By treating me like garbage just because you're rich now and I am old, useless person now?! You misbehave all the times, Jen!" 

"Do you know what, Mrs. Lee? I wish I have never been born." 

"Yeah correct. I should have abandoned you at the orphanage long time ago." 

I cried. I literally cry. I left her and went to the second floor, get into my old room. I wish it still there but it doesn't. She changed my room into a warehouse, a place for her to put any useless things and stuffs so she could sell those stuffs to somebody who wants to collect old fashioned things for extra money. I exhale myself in the doorway. Tired and exhausted. 

"You can use Jeremy's room until you clean up yours," she told me from downstairs. 

Right. 
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