Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

We got married November 2nd 2019.
We were ready to start having kids so we started trying and it didn’t take long January 2020 I took a test a tada I was pregnant due in September I was so happy and nervous I took prenatals everyday ate healthy unless I had a craving for something but other than that ate healthy. The first part of July we found out we were having a little boy I was sad I wanted a girl but then I got ok with the idea of having a boy and we had decided on Levi Thomas Hilliard. Then the worst thing I could ever think of happened. I woke up on my dads birthday 7-6-2020 and I just felt something was wrong my belly didn’t look right I didn’t feel right at all I called Dylan and told him he needed to get home ASAP. He came and picked me up and we headed to the doctor for an ultrasound. They told me that he couldn’t come with me I wanted to yell at them but I kept my cool and said fine they took me back there by myself went to look for a heartbeat no luck. They took me to the other room for an ultrasound sound and I didn’t like the way she was not saying much and I knew what was about to say. The doctor came in and told me I need to get Dylan in there and I was like o lord this is no good. Dylan got in there and the doctor said there was no heartbeat Dylan broke down crying I just sat there in shock like what did I do. I felt like such a failure not taking care of this baby. The doctor said I didn’t do anything wrong. I thought she was crazy. Because I felt like it was my fault my Levi passed away. So the day came 7-8-2020 and we delivered a perfect baby boy. Just he was already in heaven and with God. I didn’t sleep until he left my side. I wanted every minute I could get with my boy and I didn’t let Dylan hold him much I was being selfish I couldn’t help it I wanted him all to myself. He was so perfect I don’t know why this happened but it did and I can’t do anything about it but give it to God and let it be. So we we got to go home the next couple of days. And then it was July 13th 2020 we had to put our baby to rest. Boy did that hurt so much but it had to be done and we got through it. I missed being pregnant so much and just wanted my baby back. But life doesn’t work that way. I will always cherish being pregnant with Levi and holding him. I will cherish the next pregnancy even more I just hope Levi knows how much I loved him and wanted him here but God needed him more.