Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

Who Am I? 
.... 
To think that I can escape from this prison
To think that I can escape from this torture
To think that I can run away from all this hatred
To believe that I am strong enough to fend for myself in a world so cold
To believe that I could suffer alone
To have the image implanted in my mind
That this world had no care for me
That I was surrounded with nothing but false hope
Love has been more like a burden to me
Because Cupid seems to hit me with that arrow
But his arrows tend to miss
Sometimes I get angry at him, at love
Because I can't feel it
Or in truth it's because I won't allow myself to
I know that I couldn't bear it
My heart is at end
What stitches I have left, what strings I have used to keep it together. 
You want to know how I see it? 
It sits there... In a darkness undifined. 
A void inside, shatterd like glass and stitched back together
Everytime it beats it tears
It can't hold anymore
Maybe because I won't let it
In the end I despise love. Many because I can't find the right kind
Despite my parents strong love for me
Or God's for giving will
I still feel betrayed. But not by them
Not by the people who have hurt me
But I feel betrayed by myself
Am I the true reason I can't deal with my heart
Who or what could possibly heal it? 
But who am I to believe that it could be healed? 
Who am I to believe that maybe one day I will find something to heal this broken heart? 
Who am I to have hope that will never exist? 
Will I always be this way? 
As long as I sit here in this dark corner
As long as I stay behind the iron bars
As long I shut myself from the world and never open up my heart
If I ever did it would be broken
But as long as I let this demon control me
I will be fine
I know one day he will kill me
And I know one day I would fall at his feet
He would tell me how foolish I was to think I could get away from him
Or 
He would tell me how foolish I was to believe him
To give up on myself
He'd tell me that I was loved, but I was too numb to accept it. 
He'd tell me that I was worth staying alive, but I didn't open my eyes. 
He'd tell me that I was foolish for being so soft
For being too nice
For being too naive
He'd tell me all in all.. 
It wasn't his fault that I suffered
It was mine
Even I knew that was my fault
All because I couldn't help but lock myself in a prison I thought I couldn't escape
But was it because I didn't try? 
I know that he has been completely honest with me though... 
Because I am foolish
I was foolish enough to accept him in my life