Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

Apart From Being Free

Look at who I've become. I've become someone I didn't want to be. I've grown weak, and I've lost it all. I feel freedom when I am away from you. But deep inside there's still a hole in my heart. Maybe this is who I was meant to become. A person who was numb, a person who has been blind. Apart from that freedom I felt, from the happiness and joy that flooded my heart when I finally decided to let him go. I still seem to feel a sadness. One that lingers with me. One that has lingered with me ever since I was a young child. The PTSD and the scars. The bruises on my legs and back. But despite the ones I had gained, the ones that hurt me the most, we're the ones tattooed on my heart. This hole in my heart wasn't left by my mother, who disregarded me. Abuse. It wasn't my sister, who left me alone, walking out the door. It wasn't my crush, who strangled my life from me. It was me. Who took away the happiness. Who took away my joy. But I still feel that chill, creeping down my spine. That demon that keeps whispering to me. The anxiety and depression that I want to drown. But yet it drowns me. I can't stand to hold you here. In my mind, in my heart. You're tearing me apart and I hate you. Couldn't you just walk away from me? I was freed from him. But how can I let go of you? How can I let go of this depression that keeps haunting me. How can I escape my PTSD?