Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

Since the day I was born my mother never gave a fuck about me. My grandparents; which is my mother’s parents raised me like I was there own. When I was born I was born blind and couldn’t see anything. I could feel though and that day at the hospital was the last day my mother held me. I have 3 brothers and two of them are my triplet. Don’t get me wrong I love my brothers but we really didn’t grow up together; because they lived with my mother. I have always been the black sheep of my family and it didn’t help that my mother was never on my side. I was raped twice by my cousin when I was 5 years old and again when I was 10. After that my depression worsened; I turned to popping pills and drinking alcohol heavy.After that then came the cutting; I didn’t tell anyone what happened because wouldn’t no one believe me. Years later my mom was engaged to this man, they did everything together and he would pick me up to bring me by my mother house on the weekend;but this particular day was different because he was touching on my legs and feeling on my arm; I felt so uncomfortable and I was so happy to reach the house but nobody was there. I was scared and crying and he threw me on the couch and got on top of me. I was fighting him but it didn’t help; I cried and screamed and no one was there. After a few minutes it was over and I felt dirty and disgusted with myself and my life. When my brothers got there I told them what happened and they beat his ass. I told my mother but she didn’t believe me and got mad at me; she started yelling and cussing. I left that same day crying and feeling like my mother didn’t give a fuck about her child. I fell in a deep deep depression after that. So again I’m back to cutting and popping pills even more so I couldn’t feel the pain and to just feel numb. Five years later my brothers move in their own apartment and I would go there and have fun with them. When my friends would come there my mom and aunt would be mad because my friends were gay. My aunt actually broke my leg when we were fighting the next day because I was gay and my mother just sat there and watched. Things have gotten so so much worse after that. My mother and I stayed arguing and fighting; but I never once put my hands on her. She would run behind me with a knife saying she’ll kill me and would be standing over me when I’m sleeping. I am 29 years old now and my mother and I are still fighting with each other and we don’t get along. I finally came clean and told my mother I was raped when I was five and ten years old by her nephew and she still didn’t say or do anything. All these years later and she still doesn’t give a fuck about her daughter being raped. Since I was born I have been a motherless child and it’s a shame that I’m still a motherless child.