I'll Met You In My Dreams Read Count : 54

Category : Books-Fiction

Sub Category : Drama


Chapter One

So he took me by the hand and I trembled because I felt weak in my knees so I pulled away. He was my dream, that dream that I hoped one day would kiss me goodnight every night.

I listened to one of Whitney Houston's songs "I wanna dance with somebody, with somebody who loves me". And that's exactly how I felt about him.


I had been down this road so many times already that I was willing to let it just be a dream, to let him stay in my dreams.

 I didn't have much of a love life anymore. Hallmark movies and love novels is what I lived for, the ones that made me cry, smile and get butterflies in my stomach.

                                

Chapter Two

I was already 30 with no husband, and no kids while all my friends were the opposite. They were already married or in the process of getting married and there was me, standing still watching everyone else move forward. I wasn't jealous of my friends. However, I was just hurt that I chose the wrong people to share my life with, and that wasn't anyone's fault but my own.

I had been in three relationships in my 30 years and two of them didn't end well. My first relationship happened while I was only eighteen. I was young and in love. His name was Kevon and we went to the same high school. How we got together was a funny story and I lost two friends over it. I always thought that my two best friends Crystal and Lilah were smarter than me and more beautiful. They were nice and slim and I was a little more on the chubby side, truth be told I have always had a self-esteem problem I see that now.


Chapter three

Crystal and Liliah had a crush on the same guy, whilst I, on the other hand, was more concerned about my weight at one particular point in time. One day, while the three of us were having lunch, the both of them came up with the idea that I should go ask that "said boy" which of the two of them he found attractive. I tried to tell them that that wasn't such a good idea because if he chose one over the other, things wouldn't be the same with their friendship. But, they insisted, and me being me I was weak. The guy they both liked was on the field playing cricket. He was batting at the time so I waited until the game was over. After the game, when he was on his way to the changing room I called out to "said boy'', “Kevon, there is something I want to ask you" he immediately stopped and turned around and smiled at me, he walked up to me and asked me if I enjoyed the game. I told him it was okay. He smiled again, looking me directly in my eyes. I immediately turned and he put his left hand on my shoulder and said, “Wait isn't there something you wanted to ask me?” It had totally slipped my mind all the while Crystal and Liliah were watching from the pavilion. As I opened my mouth to speak he whipped away an eye lash of hair off my face and said again, “You wanted to ask me something what is it?” I stumbled to speak the words, but they came out in a stutter,  “you know my friends Crystal and Liliah right?”  He said yes. “I do but why are you talking like that?” he asked inquisitively. “Well they wanted to know out of both of them who would you choose.” He took a step closer to me and I stepped back. “Is this a joke?” he asked. I looked at him confused and replied, “what do you mean, I'm being serious?” And he replied ”Everyone knows that I have a crush on you!” At this point, I was in total shock. I turned again to walk away this time he came in front of me and asked, “so you didn't know?” I couldn't bring myself to answer him and before I knew it, at that same moment the bell rang and I walked away.

Chapter four

How was I going to face my friends and what was I going to say? Thoughts clouded my mind. How could I have known that he had a crush on me, I was the chubby  girl. I avoided my friends until the next day and when I got to school that day I felt sick to my stomach. I went over how I was going to tell them what he said over and over in my head but I couldn’t come up with anything. That morning, Liliah came to me first asking me where I disappeared to yesterday. I lied to her and told her that I wasn't feeling well trying to avoid the question I knew would be asked eventually. At that same moment Crystal appeared out of nowhere and without even saying good morning, she said “Soo… what happened yesterday what did Kevon say?” Well my heart was beating so fast I felt like it could just jump right out my chest. So I responded, saying, “he said he likes the both of you as friends.” They didn't believe me; they insisted that our conversation was too long for him to have said that alone and that they knew he liked one of them. They wanted word for word what was said and we all know I wasn't going to say, but as I mentioned before I was weak and would break my stance easily. So I ended up telling them word for word what was said, after all we were friends. It was their idea for me to ask for them, and they insisted that if he had chosen one of them it would have been fine even though it backfired it wasn't my fault. But my choice of words were so wrong that they looked at me like I was crazy, like I was lying. They looked at me like if they questioned how he could be attracted to someone like me. And they took it upon themselves to ask him, to make me look like a liar, to make me look like a freak, but sadly for them, that backfired as well because I wasn't lying and he really did have a crush on me. After that day, our friendship was never the same. They spoke ill of me,gave me bad looks and made fun of me all because the guy they liked liked me. After a while they would say hi to me but our friendships were never the same.


Chapter five                                       

As for Kevon, after what had happened that day with my friends, he never left my side even though I told him to. I told him I did want his pity and that I was fine. The thing about us black women was that we loved to be dramatic. But he looked at me directly in my eyes I turned to look away but he wouldn't let me he took my face in his hand and said “can't you see how beautiful you are,  how smart you are and how lucky anyone who is your friend is to have a friend like you?” In that moment I felt something that I had never felt before, something I wasn't sure about, my body trembled and all I wanted to do was kiss him but he didn't kiss me. Instead, he asked me if I was hungry and we became close friends, just friends.


Chapter six                                             

After one year, he came to my house on my eighteenth birthday to wish me a happy birthday and asked if we could go to the movies I didn't mind. We ended up watching Cinderella because it was my birthday and it was my choice. On our walk back to the parking lot he stopped and he asked me if I remembered that day I asked him about my friends and I said how could I forget. He then admitted that he saw me looking at him on the field that day and he was trying his best to impress me and when he heard me call out to him to ask him a question he thought it had something to do with the both of us and maybe I had a crush on him as well. I said no need to think about that it's in the past and I continued to walk to the car. When we got in the car he wouldn't start the car, I said “Kevon, is everything okay?” he just sat there looking at me. Finally, he said, he said “Kimberly, I have liked you for a long time now but I could never bring myself to say anything because we built a beautiful friendship and I didn't want to lose our friendship if you didn't feel the same way." Of course, I knew he liked me just by the way he looked at me, by the way he smiled at me, and by the way he talked to me and yes, I liked him too but I was scared".  I got silent, he turned looking outside of the car and said, “Please say something.” But I didn't I didn't know how to say I have felt the same way I have longed for you when you and your family went on vacation that every time you touched my hand you gave me butterflies that my mom troubles me about you because she knows how I feel about you that I may not just like you but I may even love you. We drove home in silence when we got to my street he turned to me and said he was sorry for saying anything and if we could pretend he never said anything. He dropped me off and left and I felt horrible.


Chapter seven                                           

I went straight to the shower after he left, and my mom came into the room and asked me how the movie was and while in the shower I told her everything and she said to me it was her who had told him to tell me how he felt because he came to her and told her how he felt.

I felt even worse when I got out of the shower and asked my mom to use her car. I tried calling him before I left for his house but there was no answer so I just showed up at his house. I sat in the car for at least 15 minutes before I could bring myself to come out. When I did I knocked on the door of his parents home. His mom answered the door. I asked her if Kevon was there and she said that he was in the back yard and she also wished me a happy birthday.  “I hope you guys had fun. Did you like your gift isn't it beautiful?” I had no idea what gift she was talking about then she said you can go on down to the back.

When I got to the back he was on the swing and to my surprise he had been drinking when he saw me he asked what I was doing there and if everything was okay. I looked at him and I asked him the same question “Is everything okay with you?” He said “yeah everything is just perfect.” being sarcastic so I turned my back to him and I started to explain how I felt. I said to him; “Kevon, you came into my life and gave me hope you made me feel like someone you made me feel beautiful, respected, cared for and you made me see that I wasn't just a fat girl and for a long time now I've wondered what it would be like to..” and before I could finish what I was saying I could feel his breath on the back of my neck. It was dark out. I instantly felt chills. He wasn't sitting on the swing any more, he was standing directly behind me and I couldn't finish what I was saying because I couldn't find the words anymore. And then, he said, “Go on, I'm listening,” I was silent once more. He put his hands on my hips from behind and told me to turn around. I didn't want to but he insisted. He was so close to me that when I turned around there was no space between us he raised my chin with his left hand and said, “I know you're scared. I'm scared too but I won't hurt you,” and I could smell the alcohol on his breath. That's when I asked him why he was drinking, and avoiding the question he said,  “I got you something for your birthday but I didn't know how to give it to you, I didn't know if you would freak out and after what happened tonight I didn't think you would want it. Just thinking that all we'll ever be is friends and I couldn't stand thinking that one day you may fall in love with someone who isn't me but now that I know you feel exactly how I feel...

Kim I want to be mine

I want to keep you safe as long as I live

You are my first love and my only love.”

I came here to confess my love for him and listening to him confess how he feels about me feeling his breath on my neck all I really wanted to do was feel what it would be like to be kissed for the first time to be held for the first time.

“Kevon I love you too.”

And that was when everything fell into place he lowered his head to mine he kissed my forehead my cheek my eyes and with every kiss he said I love you I had never felt so loved and then he kissed my lips just a peck. I closed my eyes. He said “Kimberly, open your eyes. I want you to know that there is no one in this world that can be you and I want you to see all of me because I see all of you.”


Chapter eight                                               

He said, “I have something for you.” He took my hand and led me into the house up the stairs, his parents were already in their room.

He asked me to sit at the foot of the bed turned around and took a box out of his draw. It was a small box and I wasn't sure what to make of it so I just looked at him. He looked scared but he gave the box to me and said “before you open it, what is in this box it's a promise that I will always be here for you.” When I opened the box it was a ruby stone ring. It was breathtaking he asked me if I liked it and he sat down next to me and I couldn't speak once again. I stood up and faced him he stood up in front of me and asked again “do you like it?” and I said I do. Our lips met for the second time, this time it wasn't a peck. It was deep. I had never been kissed before but if I had to guess there was no one better at this. I was in love. He started kissing my neck, he started taking off my top and then he stopped and asked me “are you ready for this, are you ready for us to be one and there is nothing else?” I wanted more. We made love. We had sex for the first time. He loved every bit of me and I couldn't count the amount of times he told me he loved me. We fell asleep in each other's arms.

                                                     

Chapter nine

I was awoken early the next morning. My mom called to make sure I was okay because I didn't come back home the previous night. Before I knew it, two years had passed and Kevin and my relationship was going strong. It was the 8th of August just a few days after my birthday and Kevon had planned a dinner for that night. We were both to cook a dish so I had to go to the supermarket that day because I wanted to cook something really special and of course get a bottle of wine. I was so excited for that night because Kevon had been hinting on marriage for a while so I knew it was going to be a special night. I thought that our relationship would last a lifetime. We had so many plans he wanted to have three kids and I wanted one but I would do anything for him. He was my rock, but I guess time had a different plan for us. 

Unfortunately, Kevon was involved in a tragic car accident and died shortly after he got to the hospital. I will never forget the day I got that call. It was his mom. She called and wasn't saying anything. All I could hear was sobbing on the other end of the phone. Kevon and I were supposed to have dinner that night. I asked Miss Sandy if everything was okay, I was at the supermarket when she called getting ready for date night at home, she wouldn't stop crying. I asked miss Sandy again if everything was okay. This time she screamed out, “Kevon died in a car accident this morning!” My basket collapsed on the floor along with my phone. I couldn't believe it, it couldn't be true we were supposed to have dinner, we were supposed to get married one day, have kids. No, this isn't true, all my dreams were gone in the blink of an eye. It turned out someone had fallen asleep while  driving and ran straight into Kevon's vehicle. All they got was a broken leg while a mother lost her son and a girlfriend lost her soul mate. It wasn’t fair, it wasn't. On the day of Kevon’s funeral his mom was a mess, she couldn't control her grief and no one could console her he was her only son. I sat in the church and looked but I couldn't see. I listened but couldn't hear. It was like I was frozen in time while people kept coming up to me. When it was time to view Kevon’s body my legs trembled. I couldn't move from my seat. I couldn't stand to see him in that box. My eyes were swollen from no sleep and blood red from crying. I was not the same after that.


Chapter ten

During my second relationship I was 25 years old. I wasn't really ready to be in another relationship but my friends insisted on me seeing someone as it had been 5 years since Kevon had passed.

I was working as a customer sales representative in a cell phone company when I met Adrian. He was a handsome guy. He came into the store early one morning. He was visiting from Texas helping his mom build her home so he was here for a few months. He came in to change his network to ours.

He had mistaken me for someone else but nevertheless that was how we started talking. He asked me for my number and I gave it to him.

When we started talking, he told me about his ex wife and told me he had a daughter. He was 10 years older than I was. He asked me about my past relationships. Talking about Kevon always brought me to tears. It always made me think about what could have been so I lied and told him I have never had a serious relationship because I was never ready. I felt terrible for lying but who was he for me to tell him about Kevon. He invited me out two weeks later. I have to admit he was charming. He looked nothing like Kevon tho.

Kevon was tall and had chocolate skin and brown eyes with a slim built. Adrian was strapped with fair skin and went to the gym way too much.

He took me to one of his friends' place as they were having a get together but I couldn't shake the feeling I was doing something wrong like I was cheating, like Kevon was watching.

They had couples games and no matter what we did together I couldn't stop comparing Adrian to Kevon.

I had to take a drink. He wasn't a big drinker though, but he took a few with me Hennessy and red bull. finally I felt like I was free.


Chapter eleven

After the first time he took me out, he felt like he knew me but in my mind I thought how could you know someone who really doesn't even know themselves. I was the wrong one. I led him on. I didn't tell the truth. The second time he took me out we went to dinner and again I had to drink to enjoy myself a little. After dinner, he drove me home and kissed me. He was such a good looking guy but I still felt sick to my stomach. In his head, I could tell this was a full blown relationship and maybe he was right. We talked everyday on the phone. He took me out one evening and that was when I realized I had developed a drinking problem.

Every morning when I woke up, before I could do anything I had at least four glasses of wine it gave me the confidence to talk to Adrian. One day he came by he wanted to stay in that day he had gotten me some lingerie we had known each other for about three months and we hadn't had sex yet I guess he wanted it to be that night. He cooked me dinner at my house while I got insanely drunk.  I couldn't stand the idea of allowing someone to take Kevon’s place to allow someone else to touch me the way he did because I knew there was no one who would ever be able be him.

After we had dinner he poured us two glasses of wine. He came closer to me. He kissed my cheek and said he couldn't understand how a beautiful woman like me had never been in a relationship. I didn't reply. He went on to say it feels like he has gotten to know me pretty well and if I would consider going to Texas with him for a holiday. He asked me what I thought? I couldn't answer.

He brushed the hair out of my face putting his hand on my neck and kissed me gently and said I'll take my time I promise.

He brought himself closer to me. I felt like I wasn't ready but I didn't know how to stop it like I was frozen.

He kissed my neck while he slowly took off my clothes I closed my eyes and as Adrian made his way down my belly button. I heard Kevons voice open your eyes. I want you to see all of me as I see all of you and in that moment I screamed out Kevon’s name. Adrian was in shock he immediately stopped, I apologized but all he was concerned about was who was Kevon. That was the end of that relationship he said that his ex wife had lied to him so many times and he thought that I was different. I know I was wrong, but truth be told I wasn't ready to be in another relationship.


Chapter twelve

And then there was my third relationship. I was 28 and I had gotten counseling and my counselor thought I was ready to get back out there and maybe I was. I had met this guy in the local clinic. He was one of the orderly people who took you into the ambulance who wheel you around on the wheel chair. I wasn't feeling well that day and I had to visit the clinic. He was tall with handsome light skin tattoos and very attractive.

He didn't know me but he kept checking on me making sure I was doing OK. His name was Sherwin. I saw the doctor and left that day with my medication. A few weeks later my best friend invited me to go drink a few beers and catch up when we got to the bar Sherwin was also there with his friends. When I saw him our eyes made four and in a long while I hadn't felt this way. I felt like I wanted him to notice me and that scared me. Did that mean I was over Kevon and did I really want to be over him?

My girlfriend had invited one of her male friends to join us so it was three of us but every time I looked over Sherwin was looking as well. We were sitting at the bar but Sherwin and his friends were sitting at a table. He got up to get a round and he said to me I see that you are feeling better. Can I buy you and your friends a drink? I said yeah, no problem. He asked me if I would like to join him at his table because my girlfriend needed some alone time with her friend anyway.

At his table it was all about laughs and joking around. But while sitting there I couldn't help thinking what sex with him would be like I hadn't had sex in eight years and that man made me want to do things I hadn't thought about in years. I didn't know how to feel anymore guilty or not. I knew I still loved Kevon. I knew he still owned my heart that my love for him was unbreakable but where did this Sherwin person come from? Before the night ended we exchanged numbers and we started talking everyday on the phone. He even started visiting my job unexpectedly and I didn't mind.

He even brought me lunch a few times without me asking. Was this guy teasing me?

                                    

Chapter thirteen

He invited me out for drinks and so we went, we talked a lot and he told me how he hadn't been in a relationship for quite awhile but told me he had a friend with benefits, "at least he was being honest". After he dropped me home, he went home. We did this quite a few times for almost five months before he fell ill. He had come down with a really bad fever and had to be hospitalized for two weeks. When he was discharged I went to visit him at home. We sat on his couch and talked for a bit. We watched a little television while he played with my left hand. He passed one of his fingers down the back of my neck so gentle it sent shivers down my spine. I turned toward him and he kissed me, I hadn't felt this way in such a long time. He got up and led me to his room where he proceeded to undress me. My guilt in that moment was gone I allowed him to take all my clothes off to kiss me the way he wanted to. To hold me, to make love to me to slowly push his hard penis inside of me to whisper in my ear he loved me and that's when the guilt came flooding back this wasn't about love for me it was only about sex and I felt horrible.

I broke it off a few weeks later. He demanded an explanation and I told him the truth. I wasn't in love with him. I was in love with someone else.


Chapter fourteen

Every night all I could see was his face when I closed my eyes

I could hear his voice in my dreams and picture his smile. I could feel his touch. And my drinking just got worse. I stopped going to work. I stopped seeing my friends. I realized that the reason I never told my past two relationships about Kevon is because I was in denial.

Every time I fell asleep Kevon was there in my dreams waiting for me on that same swing in his backyard but there were a lot more flowers in his back yard and plenty of light. As a matter of fact he was always in white.

It was like he sat there and waited for me every time I would close my eyes. And then the time would come for me to wake up, my life didn't make much sense anymore. Kevon was all I had dreamed of because he was all I knew and I didn't want to know anything else. I didn't need to know anything else. In my dreams I could have him In my dreams I could feel what real love was where we both loved each other, in my dreams we were one as we were when I was eighteen.


Chapter fifteen

And that brings me back to you it has been ten years since you passed and the only way I can see you is in my dreams where we dance to that Whitney Houston song I will never get over you and so I have come to the conclusion that if I can only see you in my sleep, in my dreams I have decided to never wake up so we will forever dance with somebody who loves us, each other.

                                       

Chapter sixteen

To my friends and family who may be hurting because of my decision, be happy for me, don't be sad, I'm dancing in my dreams.

    LOVE KIMBERLY


Chapter One

So he took me by the hand and I trembled because I felt weak in my knees so I pulled away. He was my dream, that dream that I hoped one day would kiss me goodnight every night.

I listened to one of Whitney Houston's songs "I wanna dance with somebody, with somebody who loves me". And that's exactly how I felt about him.


I had been down this road so many times already that I was willing to let it just be a dream, to let him stay in my dreams.

 I didn't have much of a love life anymore. Hallmark movies and love novels is what I lived for, the ones that made me cry, smile and get butterflies in my stomach.

                                

Chapter Two

I was already 30 with no husband, and no kids while all my friends were the opposite. They were already married or in the process of getting married and there was me, standing still watching everyone else move forward. I wasn't jealous of my friends. However, I was just hurt that I chose the wrong people to share my life with, and that wasn't anyone's fault but my own.

I had been in three relationships in my 30 years and two of them didn't end well. My first relationship happened while I was only eighteen. I was young and in love. His name was Kevon and we went to the same high school. How we got together was a funny story and I lost two friends over it. I always thought that my two best friends Crystal and Lilah were smarter than me and more beautiful. They were nice and slim and I was a little more on the chubby side, truth be told I have always had a self-esteem problem I see that now.


Chapter three

Crystal and Liliah had a crush on the same guy, whilst I, on the other hand, was more concerned about my weight at one particular point in time. One day, while the three of us were having lunch, the both of them came up with the idea that I should go ask that "said boy" which of the two of them he found attractive. I tried to tell them that that wasn't such a good idea because if he chose one over the other, things wouldn't be the same with their friendship. But, they insisted, and me being me I was weak. The guy they both liked was on the field playing cricket. He was batting at the time so I waited until the game was over. After the game, when he was on his way to the changing room I called out to "said boy'', “Kevon, there is something I want to ask you" he immediately stopped and turned around and smiled at me, he walked up to me and asked me if I enjoyed the game. I told him it was okay. He smiled again, looking me directly in my eyes. I immediately turned and he put his left hand on my shoulder and said, “Wait isn't there something you wanted to ask me?” It had totally slipped my mind all the while Crystal and Liliah were watching from the pavilion. As I opened my mouth to speak he whipped away an eye lash of hair off my face and said again, “You wanted to ask me something what is it?” I stumbled to speak the words, but they came out in a stutter,  “you know my friends Crystal and Liliah right?”  He said yes. “I do but why are you talking like that?” he asked inquisitively. “Well they wanted to know out of both of them who would you choose.” He took a step closer to me and I stepped back. “Is this a joke?” he asked. I looked at him confused and replied, “what do you mean, I'm being serious?” And he replied ”Everyone knows that I have a crush on you!” At this point, I was in total shock. I turned again to walk away this time he came in front of me and asked, “so you didn't know?” I couldn't bring myself to answer him and before I knew it, at that same moment the bell rang and I walked away.

Chapter four

How was I going to face my friends and what was I going to say? Thoughts clouded my mind. How could I have known that he had a crush on me, I was the chubby  girl. I avoided my friends until the next day and when I got to school that day I felt sick to my stomach. I went over how I was going to tell them what he said over and over in my head but I couldn’t come up with anything. That morning, Liliah came to me first asking me where I disappeared to yesterday. I lied to her and told her that I wasn't feeling well trying to avoid the question I knew would be asked eventually. At that same moment Crystal appeared out of nowhere and without even saying good morning, she said “Soo… what happened yesterday what did Kevon say?” Well my heart was beating so fast I felt like it could just jump right out my chest. So I responded, saying, “he said he likes the both of you as friends.” They didn't believe me; they insisted that our conversation was too long for him to have said that alone and that they knew he liked one of them. They wanted word for word what was said and we all know I wasn't going to say, but as I mentioned before I was weak and would break my stance easily. So I ended up telling them word for word what was said, after all we were friends. It was their idea for me to ask for them, and they insisted that if he had chosen one of them it would have been fine even though it backfired it wasn't my fault. But my choice of words were so wrong that they looked at me like I was crazy, like I was lying. They looked at me like if they questioned how he could be attracted to someone like me. And they took it upon themselves to ask him, to make me look like a liar, to make me look like a freak, but sadly for them, that backfired as well because I wasn't lying and he really did have a crush on me. After that day, our friendship was never the same. They spoke ill of me,gave me bad looks and made fun of me all because the guy they liked liked me. After a while they would say hi to me but our friendships were never the same.


Chapter five                                       

As for Kevon, after what had happened that day with my friends, he never left my side even though I told him to. I told him I did want his pity and that I was fine. The thing about us black women was that we loved to be dramatic. But he looked at me directly in my eyes I turned to look away but he wouldn't let me he took my face in his hand and said “can't you see how beautiful you are,  how smart you are and how lucky anyone who is your friend is to have a friend like you?” In that moment I felt something that I had never felt before, something I wasn't sure about, my body trembled and all I wanted to do was kiss him but he didn't kiss me. Instead, he asked me if I was hungry and we became close friends, just friends.


Chapter six                                             

After one year, he came to my house on my eighteenth birthday to wish me a happy birthday and asked if we could go to the movies I didn't mind. We ended up watching Cinderella because it was my birthday and it was my choice. On our walk back to the parking lot he stopped and he asked me if I remembered that day I asked him about my friends and I said how could I forget. He then admitted that he saw me looking at him on the field that day and he was trying his best to impress me and when he heard me call out to him to ask him a question he thought it had something to do with the both of us and maybe I had a crush on him as well. I said no need to think about that it's in the past and I continued to walk to the car. When we got in the car he wouldn't start the car, I said “Kevon, is everything okay?” he just sat there looking at me. Finally, he said, he said “Kimberly, I have liked you for a long time now but I could never bring myself to say anything because we built a beautiful friendship and I didn't want to lose our friendship if you didn't feel the same way." Of course, I knew he liked me just by the way he looked at me, by the way he smiled at me, and by the way he talked to me and yes, I liked him too but I was scared".  I got silent, he turned looking outside of the car and said, “Please say something.” But I didn't I didn't know how to say I have felt the same way I have longed for you when you and your family went on vacation that every time you touched my hand you gave me butterflies that my mom troubles me about you because she knows how I feel about you that I may not just like you but I may even love you. We drove home in silence when we got to my street he turned to me and said he was sorry for saying anything and if we could pretend he never said anything. He dropped me off and left and I felt horrible.


Chapter seven                                           

I went straight to the shower after he left, and my mom came into the room and asked me how the movie was and while in the shower I told her everything and she said to me it was her who had told him to tell me how he felt because he came to her and told her how he felt.

I felt even worse when I got out of the shower and asked my mom to use her car. I tried calling him before I left for his house but there was no answer so I just showed up at his house. I sat in the car for at least 15 minutes before I could bring myself to come out. When I did I knocked on the door of his parents home. His mom answered the door. I asked her if Kevon was there and she said that he was in the back yard and she also wished me a happy birthday.  “I hope you guys had fun. Did you like your gift isn't it beautiful?” I had no idea what gift she was talking about then she said you can go on down to the back.

When I got to the back he was on the swing and to my surprise he had been drinking when he saw me he asked what I was doing there and if everything was okay. I looked at him and I asked him the same question “Is everything okay with you?” He said “yeah everything is just perfect.” being sarcastic so I turned my back to him and I started to explain how I felt. I said to him; “Kevon, you came into my life and gave me hope you made me feel like someone you made me feel beautiful, respected, cared for and you made me see that I wasn't just a fat girl and for a long time now I've wondered what it would be like to..” and before I could finish what I was saying I could feel his breath on the back of my neck. It was dark out. I instantly felt chills. He wasn't sitting on the swing any more, he was standing directly behind me and I couldn't finish what I was saying because I couldn't find the words anymore. And then, he said, “Go on, I'm listening,” I was silent once more. He put his hands on my hips from behind and told me to turn around. I didn't want to but he insisted. He was so close to me that when I turned around there was no space between us he raised my chin with his left hand and said, “I know you're scared. I'm scared too but I won't hurt you,” and I could smell the alcohol on his breath. That's when I asked him why he was drinking, and avoiding the question he said,  “I got you something for your birthday but I didn't know how to give it to you, I didn't know if you would freak out and after what happened tonight I didn't think you would want it. Just thinking that all we'll ever be is friends and I couldn't stand thinking that one day you may fall in love with someone who isn't me but now that I know you feel exactly how I feel...

Kim I want to be mine

I want to keep you safe as long as I live

You are my first love and my only love.”

I came here to confess my love for him and listening to him confess how he feels about me feeling his breath on my neck all I really wanted to do was feel what it would be like to be kissed for the first time to be held for the first time.

“Kevon I love you too.”

And that was when everything fell into place he lowered his head to mine he kissed my forehead my cheek my eyes and with every kiss he said I love you I had never felt so loved and then he kissed my lips just a peck. I closed my eyes. He said “Kimberly, open your eyes. I want you to know that there is no one in this world that can be you and I want you to see all of me because I see all of you.”


Chapter eight                                               

He said, “I have something for you.” He took my hand and led me into the house up the stairs, his parents were already in their room.

He asked me to sit at the foot of the bed turned around and took a box out of his draw. It was a small box and I wasn't sure what to make of it so I just looked at him. He looked scared but he gave the box to me and said “before you open it, what is in this box it's a promise that I will always be here for you.” When I opened the box it was a ruby stone ring. It was breathtaking he asked me if I liked it and he sat down next to me and I couldn't speak once again. I stood up and faced him he stood up in front of me and asked again “do you like it?” and I said I do. Our lips met for the second time, this time it wasn't a peck. It was deep. I had never been kissed before but if I had to guess there was no one better at this. I was in love. He started kissing my neck, he started taking off my top and then he stopped and asked me “are you ready for this, are you ready for us to be one and there is nothing else?” I wanted more. We made love. We had sex for the first time. He loved every bit of me and I couldn't count the amount of times he told me he loved me. We fell asleep in each other's arms.

                                                     

Chapter nine

I was awoken early the next morning. My mom called to make sure I was okay because I didn't come back home the previous night. Before I knew it, two years had passed and Kevin and my relationship was going strong. It was the 8th of August just a few days after my birthday and Kevon had planned a dinner for that night. We were both to cook a dish so I had to go to the supermarket that day because I wanted to cook something really special and of course get a bottle of wine. I was so excited for that night because Kevon had been hinting on marriage for a while so I knew it was going to be a special night. I thought that our relationship would last a lifetime. We had so many plans he wanted to have three kids and I wanted one but I would do anything for him. He was my rock, but I guess time had a different plan for us. 

Unfortunately, Kevon was involved in a tragic car accident and died shortly after he got to the hospital. I will never forget the day I got that call. It was his mom. She called and wasn't saying anything. All I could hear was sobbing on the other end of the phone. Kevon and I were supposed to have dinner that night. I asked Miss Sandy if everything was okay, I was at the supermarket when she called getting ready for date night at home, she wouldn't stop crying. I asked miss Sandy again if everything was okay. This time she screamed out, “Kevon died in a car accident this morning!” My basket collapsed on the floor along with my phone. I couldn't believe it, it couldn't be true we were supposed to have dinner, we were supposed to get married one day, have kids. No, this isn't true, all my dreams were gone in the blink of an eye. It turned out someone had fallen asleep while  driving and ran straight into Kevon's vehicle. All they got was a broken leg while a mother lost her son and a girlfriend lost her soul mate. It wasn’t fair, it wasn't. On the day of Kevon’s funeral his mom was a mess, she couldn't control her grief and no one could console her he was her only son. I sat in the church and looked but I couldn't see. I listened but couldn't hear. It was like I was frozen in time while people kept coming up to me. When it was time to view Kevon’s body my legs trembled. I couldn't move from my seat. I couldn't stand to see him in that box. My eyes were swollen from no sleep and blood red from crying. I was not the same after that.


Chapter ten

During my second relationship I was 25 years old. I wasn't really ready to be in another relationship but my friends insisted on me seeing someone as it had been 5 years since Kevon had passed.

I was working as a customer sales representative in a cell phone company when I met Adrian. He was a handsome guy. He came into the store early one morning. He was visiting from Texas helping his mom build her home so he was here for a few months. He came in to change his network to ours.

He had mistaken me for someone else but nevertheless that was how we started talking. He asked me for my number and I gave it to him.

When we started talking, he told me about his ex wife and told me he had a daughter. He was 10 years older than I was. He asked me about my past relationships. Talking about Kevon always brought me to tears. It always made me think about what could have been so I lied and told him I have never had a serious relationship because I was never ready. I felt terrible for lying but who was he for me to tell him about Kevon. He invited me out two weeks later. I have to admit he was charming. He looked nothing like Kevon tho.

Kevon was tall and had chocolate skin and brown eyes with a slim built. Adrian was strapped with fair skin and went to the gym way too much.

He took me to one of his friends' place as they were having a get together but I couldn't shake the feeling I was doing something wrong like I was cheating, like Kevon was watching.

They had couples games and no matter what we did together I couldn't stop comparing Adrian to Kevon.

I had to take a drink. He wasn't a big drinker though, but he took a few with me Hennessy and red bull. finally I felt like I was free.


Chapter eleven

After the first time he took me out, he felt like he knew me but in my mind I thought how could you know someone who really doesn't even know themselves. I was the wrong one. I led him on. I didn't tell the truth. The second time he took me out we went to dinner and again I had to drink to enjoy myself a little. After dinner, he drove me home and kissed me. He was such a good looking guy but I still felt sick to my stomach. In his head, I could tell this was a full blown relationship and maybe he was right. We talked everyday on the phone. He took me out one evening and that was when I realized I had developed a drinking problem.

Every morning when I woke up, before I could do anything I had at least four glasses of wine it gave me the confidence to talk to Adrian. One day he came by he wanted to stay in that day he had gotten me some lingerie we had known each other for about three months and we hadn't had sex yet I guess he wanted it to be that night. He cooked me dinner at my house while I got insanely drunk.  I couldn't stand the idea of allowing someone to take Kevon’s place to allow someone else to touch me the way he did because I knew there was no one who would ever be able be him.

After we had dinner he poured us two glasses of wine. He came closer to me. He kissed my cheek and said he couldn't understand how a beautiful woman like me had never been in a relationship. I didn't reply. He went on to say it feels like he has gotten to know me pretty well and if I would consider going to Texas with him for a holiday. He asked me what I thought? I couldn't answer.

He brushed the hair out of my face putting his hand on my neck and kissed me gently and said I'll take my time I promise.

He brought himself closer to me. I felt like I wasn't ready but I didn't know how to stop it like I was frozen.

He kissed my neck while he slowly took off my clothes I closed my eyes and as Adrian made his way down my belly button. I heard Kevons voice open your eyes. I want you to see all of me as I see all of you and in that moment I screamed out Kevon’s name. Adrian was in shock he immediately stopped, I apologized but all he was concerned about was who was Kevon. That was the end of that relationship he said that his ex wife had lied to him so many times and he thought that I was different. I know I was wrong, but truth be told I wasn't ready to be in another relationship.


Chapter twelve

And then there was my third relationship. I was 28 and I had gotten counseling and my counselor thought I was ready to get back out there and maybe I was. I had met this guy in the local clinic. He was one of the orderly people who took you into the ambulance who wheel you around on the wheel chair. I wasn't feeling well that day and I had to visit the clinic. He was tall with handsome light skin tattoos and very attractive.

He didn't know me but he kept checking on me making sure I was doing OK. His name was Sherwin. I saw the doctor and left that day with my medication. A few weeks later my best friend invited me to go drink a few beers and catch up when we got to the bar Sherwin was also there with his friends. When I saw him our eyes made four and in a long while I hadn't felt this way. I felt like I wanted him to notice me and that scared me. Did that mean I was over Kevon and did I really want to be over him?

My girlfriend had invited one of her male friends to join us so it was three of us but every time I looked over Sherwin was looking as well. We were sitting at the bar but Sherwin and his friends were sitting at a table. He got up to get a round and he said to me I see that you are feeling better. Can I buy you and your friends a drink? I said yeah, no problem. He asked me if I would like to join him at his table because my girlfriend needed some alone time with her friend anyway.

At his table it was all about laughs and joking around. But while sitting there I couldn't help thinking what sex with him would be like I hadn't had sex in eight years and that man made me want to do things I hadn't thought about in years. I didn't know how to feel anymore guilty or not. I knew I still loved Kevon. I knew he still owned my heart that my love for him was unbreakable but where did this Sherwin person come from? Before the night ended we exchanged numbers and we started talking everyday on the phone. He even started visiting my job unexpectedly and I didn't mind.

He even brought me lunch a few times without me asking. Was this guy teasing me?

                                    

Chapter thirteen

He invited me out for drinks and so we went, we talked a lot and he told me how he hadn't been in a relationship for quite awhile but told me he had a friend with benefits, "at least he was being honest". After he dropped me home, he went home. We did this quite a few times for almost five months before he fell ill. He had come down with a really bad fever and had to be hospitalized for two weeks. When he was discharged I went to visit him at home. We sat on his couch and talked for a bit. We watched a little television while he played with my left hand. He passed one of his fingers down the back of my neck so gentle it sent shivers down my spine. I turned toward him and he kissed me, I hadn't felt this way in such a long time. He got up and led me to his room where he proceeded to undress me. My guilt in that moment was gone I allowed him to take all my clothes off to kiss me the way he wanted to. To hold me, to make love to me to slowly push his hard penis inside of me to whisper in my ear he loved me and that's when the guilt came flooding back this wasn't about love for me it was only about sex and I felt horrible.

I broke it off a few weeks later. He demanded an explanation and I told him the truth. I wasn't in love with him. I was in love with someone else.


Chapter fourteen

Every night all I could see was his face when I closed my eyes

I could hear his voice in my dreams and picture his smile. I could feel his touch. And my drinking just got worse. I stopped going to work. I stopped seeing my friends. I realized that the reason I never told my past two relationships about Kevon is because I was in denial.

Every time I fell asleep Kevon was there in my dreams waiting for me on that same swing in his backyard but there were a lot more flowers in his back yard and plenty of light. As a matter of fact he was always in white.

It was like he sat there and waited for me every time I would close my eyes. And then the time would come for me to wake up, my life didn't make much sense anymore. Kevon was all I had dreamed of because he was all I knew and I didn't want to know anything else. I didn't need to know anything else. In my dreams I could have him In my dreams I could feel what real love was where we both loved each other, in my dreams we were one as we were when I was eighteen.


Chapter fifteen

And that brings me back to you it has been ten years since you passed and the only way I can see you is in my dreams where we dance to that Whitney Houston song I will never get over you and so I have come to the conclusion that if I can only see you in my sleep, in my dreams I have decided to never wake up so we will forever dance with somebody who loves us, each other.

                                       

Chapter sixteen

To my friends and family who may be hurting because of my decision, be happy for me, don't be sad, I'm dancing in my dreams.

    LOVE KIMBERLY

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