They Couldn’t Possibly Know Read Count : 16

Category : Poems

Sub Category : N/A
The elated glow upon my face had my entire team curious hoping for a drug for to taste,
Assuming the extreme amounts of euphoria wasn’t naturally reached by an employee during work,
The positive energy, teamwork, redirection, non stop motivation, 
The assists from the P.A’s all me during work hours I didn’t play,
I worked magic offering support wherever it was needed keeping lines moving and our team strong until we clocked out,
I kept candy on deck a sugar rush is a must during 10.5 hour days add a smile an my elated glow,
My team was amazed by my happy, yet humble, joyful ways,
I rubbed positivity through entire warehouse, 
All departments was curiously amazed,
My elated demeanor flowed through them wraparound days,
The true honor formed in gaining a sense of home,
Within constructive criticism and positive reinforcement attachments started to form,
What was unknown to them was my sense of self worth being misplaced,
Even though I always worked hard I was far behind in my own race,
After so many reviews and positive cues I accepted and didn’t dismiss the good news,
Life was starting to make sense a better version of me was taking flight,
My sleep was stabilizing during the night,
Personal goals I had lined up to knock down started dropping,
My intense therapy treatment was breaking through,
The person they see is a result of learning to break free of trauma,
Finally unlocking pain replacing thoughts of devaluation and healing myself,
They can’t possibly know it’s so hard to be this person they praise,
This person they see at one point wouldn’t look in the mirror to say you’re valuable, Or someone deserving success,
They don’t know the reactions I receive when I hit the floor leaves me with a secure feeling of belonging and wanting more,
They couldn’t possibly know I never had a stability nor parental guidance,
They couldn’t possibly know there was never one who cared enough to keep me safe,
No one to teach me to value my progression and take certain steps next,
Behind this smile lay rejection, loss, abandonment, self destruction, worthlessness, and self hate, 
Accomplishments were obligatory and openings to be reminded not to fail like whomever was the present an consistent failure,
Never just great job, I’m proud of you, what is your plans next,??? Here’s some advice on advancement......!
They couldn’t possibly know I always felt invisible even though my smile could light a room,
They couldn’t possibly know school was my escape from reality, 
Track and field was my passion,
Running the field so fast as if I was escaping reality, 
I even qualified for the jr. olympics,
I was invisible no one was paying for me to succeed,
My qualification to the Jr. olympics mind as well never been mentioned,
It’s a painful reminder my success was never warranted nor mattered,
My coach, team and judges cheered for me at meets,
I was seen only for scolding, cleaning, babysitting, tutoring, and doing hair,
They couldn’t possibly know behind that smile I still have such a long way to go, 
My success is stagnant from years of pain hurt neglect and fear,
They can’t possibly know.........! 
Surely if they did my over the top euphoria in result of a minor achievement would be understood, 
Never mistaken for added substances,
I’m glowing elatedly praying this sense of happiness never fades away,
I must cherish these times an make memories because at the drop of a pin my mind can flip-flop,
Knowing that pain stress and feelings of unwanted emptiness can regress,
They couldn’t possibly know that I’ve adapted to the observance of failure so much that it’s expected of me,
That in pointing out a minor slip will trigger a huge fail change my entire outlook and I’ll drown in that,
I’ll run together all my slips in life and form an absurd outcome,
In my mind all I am is a unwanted good for nothing overlooked thing, lower than scum a burden to the family and mistake in life,
No! No one at glance could possibly know these things about me!
No! They couldn’t possibly know even with a bright smile plastered on my face my mind holds these dark haunting thoughts,
A lifetime of therapy, redirecting, and goal setting is my repetition script,
A progressional set back of 10 years minimum,
Yet I smile bright just to survive through the day please don’t remove it,
It’s so hard putting that irrational demon away......!

They couldn’t possibly know 
By: JamilahBassemah

Comments

  • Dec 30, 2020

Log Out?

Are you sure you want to log out?