Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

I gave you trust. Cause when I was with you I believed in love. Now I’ve got issues with lust. And now I know true love is when I pray for you to up above. Now I know true self love. But honey you cut me open. You cut me open. Just to watch me bleed. All you did was use me. You never wanted long term with me. When that’s what I wanted for you and me. You ruined relationships for me. Because you’re so bitter inside. You don’t deal with your pain on the inside. But I’m not like that. That’s why I’m looking back. I’ve gotta heal this. Cause I can’t seem to get over this. I’m not like you. I’ve gotta face the blues. Even if I’m ashamed to say I still love you. I still still love you. You covered me in your own pain. Because you refuse to get familiar with your own name. I gave you hope. Cause I’m a good person. But you turned around and said nope. Cause you chose to not heal so you cut me open. Didn’t anybody ever tell you hurt people hurt people. Cause you are hurting people. People like me. Somebody who only wanted you to be happy. Cause I see right through you. Right through you. Deep and layered blacks and blues. I wanted the best for you. But you left me to stay with those who only layered you. I was tryna work with you. Tryna be better with you. But you. You lie about who you are. So you made me think I never knew you. When I’m the only one who ever really knew you. It just scared you. You hop from girl to girl. So you don’t have to feel lonely in this world. I saw through your lies. I know deep down you wanted to die. And I know we understood each other. You were just too scared of being with a genuine person forever. But I know you’re not ready. Cause you gotta heal you like I healed me. Baby I really wish you would do that. Because now I’m turning my back. On the only thing I ever really believed in. You ruined the faith I had back then. You were hurt so you hurt me. Why’d you have to cut me. He already burned me. So why did you have to slice me open just to watch me bleed. Cause I really had faith in you. I never trusted anybody like I trusted you. You were suppose to be my best friend. How could you. How could you do this in the end. I’m so stone cold. Because you guys left me out in the cold. I had to build my own shelter. Take care of myself to get better. I was already bruised. So why did you abuse. My vulnerability. I gave you my belief. We weren’t in a good place. But at least I tried to get to this better place. You just think life’s a race. But I still love you. But I hate you. For not being who I know you are. You’re backseat driving in a car. That is being driven by the devil. You’re just ruthless, cruel, and evil. Now I know why we didn’t stay together. Cause we have two different fathers. We were always gonna have trouble with our father in laws. Cause you walked down satans hall. And I hung up a holy cross on my wall. But hell I still think about you. Cause I wanted to help you. I’m a healer. And that’s just how it is. But I can’t fix a drug dealer. It is what it is. You keep living like this. And a love like mine is gonna haunt you forever. Cause I would’ve stayed forever. Taking care of you. Staring you in the eyes. Cause when I was with you it felt like making love. And I’m so confused because I’ve got that on top of broken trust. How am I suppose to heal this. But I know I just gotta let it be what it is. So here’s to this pain. That is attached to your name. And here’s to me. For loving me. I’m in love with my name. And I overcame my pain. And I’m still working to heal this mess. So don’t yell at me if I’m a mess. Cause you can still undress me. With just the imagery of our memories. I wanted to make exquisite and beautiful art. And you decided to wreck before you even reached the start. So this is me healing. This is how I’m dealing. Working myself harder. Becoming wiser. But my hearts getting harder. As I check my phone for an unfamiliar number. Hoping it’s you. Cause I’m only the real me with you. Sitting with my vulnerability. Is you sitting with me. But now I’m doing backbends trying to get you to wake up. But I can’t shake you awake when you don’t believe in love or trust. Hello old friend. You ruined my trust in the end. You took a huge chunk of my identity. But thanks for stopping by to visit me. I’m sailing through a temporary river of misery.