Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

I don't think I've ever felt this alone. I've only ever had my mother, and even so, it's still hard for me to talk to her. I don't like to burden people with my problems. And I certainly do not like watching my mother suffer through them for me. Sometimes she gets angry when I talk to her about what I'm going through, and she yells, or she cries. And that's how I know she loves me. She reacts the way she does because she's felt all the same ways, and she doesn't want to see me get hurt in the ways that she did. Other than her, I don't have anyone else. I have a few distant relatives, but I don't feel comfortable talking to them either. I want someone to listen to me, and tell me everything is alright. But at the same time, I don't want to talk to anyone about myself. They say talking about your problems helps, but to me, talking about my feelings is experiencing those feelings. And there's nothing worse than that. Lately I've been putting myself down for acting certain ways. Or feeling certain things. I thought I was helping myself. I thought that if I told myself what I was doing wrong, I could somehow transform that into what I could be doing right. But I guess I wasn't ready for that. Now I can't stop. And I've started to believe the things I'm telling myself. I just want to get better. I want to be okay. But I don't think I can do that alone.