Category : Stories

Sub Category : Adventure

The Demented Adventures of William and Rabbit 
A Prologue

William was bored.

"Mummy, I should like to speak with that donkey." He gently tugged at her petticoat to summon her attention. She gave it willingly in the form of an indignant snort. 

"Donkeys haven't the means to speak, William. Don't be foolish."

It wasn't common practice to press a matter beyond the initial request, but William was intent. 

"Oh please, Mummy! do let me speak with it. You needn't come along. It is only a donkey, after all; what possible harm can come of such a one-sided discourse?" 

She considered his plea and decided to permit him leave. 

"Off you go then, but mind you don't touch it. I glimpsed it rolling about in its own feces not an hour ago. It is filthy and reprobate." 

William scampered off across the garden and over the bridge to where the donkey stood. The afternoon had suddenly sprung some interest and he was delighted. 

"Hullo there, donkey! I'm William." His grin was wide and genuine. 

"Hullo, young Master. I'm a donkey," was the donkey's reply.

"Yes, of course you are! but haven't you a name?" William was emphatic. The donkey merely shook his smelly head. 

"No one has ever cared to name me." There was something odd about the way he spoke; William thought the donkey suspect and gave him an incredulous squint.

"I don't believe you! Your nose grew very twitchy just then; I saw it! You're lying!" 

"Am not." 

"Yes! Yes!" William stomped his foot repeatedly against the dirt. The donkey let out an exasperated sigh. 

"You are a clever little boy, young Master. I do have a name. But were I to tell it to you I think I should lose your confidence entirely, for it is not likely you would believe me." 

"Oh but do tell me! You have said that I am clever; let me hear your name and I will determine whether or not you speak fantasy."

The donkey hesitated. 

" Please! I will be most objective!" cried William.  

"Very well, young Master. My name is Rabbit." 

There was a long silence. William eyed the donkey inquisitively. 

"You see, you don't believe me. You think me a liar and a scoundrel." 

William spoke affably.

"No, you poor, wretched, smelly, donkey, I do believe you! The claim itself is an absurd one, - undeniably! - but your wilting countenance and sullen gaze tell me that what you speak is the truth. Surely, an odd name for a donkey! but my confidence in you, Rabbit, remains unwavering."

"Your kindness and understanding are unequaled, young Master. I should like to nuzzle you."

"A nuzzle! Yes, how appropriate, indeed! Ah, but Mummy forbade me contact with you, Rabbit! For you are filthy and reprobate and have been rolling about in your own feces."

Rabbit frowned. 

"Why must you behave in such a ghastly fashion, dear creature?" William was also frowning.

"It is my nature." 

"But really! it is only a matter of willing yourself to stop. I should think with a bath and some perfume you might become quite presentable; for, as donkeys go, I find you have a most agreeable demeanour!"

"Thank you, Master, but I am no more capable of altering my nature than you are of yours." 

The pair sank their heads in sorrow. William thought. He realized there was only one way for he and Rabbit to remain friends. He was very grave as he spoke. 

"Do you see that home over yonder?" 

"I do." 

"That is where I live with my Mummy. She is a wicked spirit. She does not think me clever at all - oh no! quite the contrary; she thought me foolish for wanting to talk to you."

Rabbit looked angry and for the first time his voice turned very cold. 

"I shall eat her, then."

"Yes," William affirmed. "You must eat Mummy."

It was no simple undertaking. William's Mummy was a stout woman of considerable strength. She fought long and hard to spare her life but in the end Rabbit proved to be too mighty for her. He crushed her skull between his powerful donkey jaws and sucked out the goopy residue that had once served her for a brain. William remained in the garden with a book, for he did not take kindly to the sight of blood and goopy brain residue. With the initial task of killing complete, it then took Rabbit nearly a week to consume all of William's Mummy. It was only then that the two were finally free of her.

"Oh dear Rabbit, what a troubling week this has proved!" 

"Yes, Master, I am not accustomed to consuming the flesh of human folk. It disagrees with me so." 

"Understandably, you poor, smelly wretch! But necessity spurred you on and here we are, at last, rid of that awful woman! Only now, what do you suppose we are to do? I haven't any means of supporting us and should anyone discover what you've done they'll likely want to shoot you in the head!" 

"Indeed." 

"A plan! We must plot a proper course!"

"We should travel and have adventures. That, I think, would suit us kindly." 

"Adventures! Why Rabbit, that is just what should be done! Such a clever donkey! We shall have adventures!" 

And so they did.