Category : Blogs

Sub Category : Spirituality

I have been thinking a lot about the meaning of life, philosophy, religion, and all those existential problems. The thoughts that make us human. That makes some of us feel superior. That awareness.

I believe life has no meaning. There is no intrinsic value and I have no reason to make a value for my life. I am just purely existing and I will die.

This sounds morbid and depressing, but to me it's freeing. I enjoy having this mindset or philosophy.

I have lived a grey-scale my entire life. I was always faced with both sides of every spectrum and was never allowed to be one or the other. I have to be a mediator or peacemaker to everyone I know. 

I don't believe this is healthy to grow up with. I don't believe that anyone should live a life where they aren't allowed to form honest opinions. 

I also have a lack of self. With my DID, comes a manufactured personality we all cohesively put on. I update a list of traits and characteristics about our singlet self and let alters memorize it. 

There is no self to be had in memorized ideas and forced personality. 

What is freeing to me about just existing is I feel no sense of urgency. I feel no need to rush through life. I feel no need to be better than someone else. I am simply existing and eventually I will die. 

I do not fear death. I do not need to fear that I'm not living up to some other worldly potential. 

The idea of a God scares me. It makes me feel sick and as if I'm a puppet. I do not want to be a puppet. I want to live whatever life I have. 

I think that religion can bring answers to you. That is wonderful if that's what helps you. 

I want to make this clear, I am not a moral nihilist. I don't believe that all morals are completely subjective and that nothing good or bad. I believe that society and people evolved and developed morals over thousands of years. 

This post has no intent of dismissing or attacking you or your beliefs. This is just about how I see the world and my personal beliefs. I do not claim to speak for anyone but myself.

-Trina (The Masquerade System)