The Drugs I Know Read Count : 20

Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A
In this life you're taught to do what your told even when you feel lost and cold. Reality sets in and bad things take hold another abuse by someone that holds keys to my heart. How could you let me down then act like I played a part. Nevermind I'll take the blame maybe you wont hate me is there nothing in this world to keep you from shaming. Finally 12 yrs old so close to grown asked to huff gas little did I know. Where it took me in my mind the bad thoughts were no longer mine. It didnt matter I hadnt a care just give me that break a breath of fresh air. I soon found out what more drugs were about, I'm into the rush that makes you flush and sail in the clouds.  So where did I end up losing my life but not cause of drugs it's where I found my might. Drugs made me lose my inhibitions i lost all control and follow my visions of making sure it never gets played back. the way i was treated when you had my back. There i sat one day. plotted and twisted the murder of a man that wouldn't get a witness. I know it's not his fault he has a sickness but like mine it's very twisted. The sexual abuse of a child can go two ways he finds victims or becomes wicked the latter chose me. And I would gift him. Hed no longer live in misery of chasing around to find a little ol me. I would take his life and do my time. just to make sure he didnt get to mine. The act was heinous a serious crime kidnapped and beat within his life. That day I got a relief for all the people that took advantage when I was little. Life sentence is what it was till I whispered what he'd done. Now its 7yrs I'll lay in a box. my time hell for acting out. Would i change it now looking back no I couldnt for the life of me understand why so many get away with a murder. you killed this kid turned him into a monster.  I finally have some peace friends with that beast. Hes there just in case there's another that wants to prey on my child. You'd never know until i told ya, all about that day, how it unfolded. Doesnt make me bad or a criminal if it was your kid you would have stood in my shoes. What brought us there is point in fact. the drugs I did made me unbalanced, forgot who I was with malice. My demons still a giant to this day I get wound up and my thoughts turn gray. It's hard on my psyche but then I pray and god keeps my monster at bay.

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