Torment Turned Vibrant Read Count : 18

Category : Stories

Sub Category : Science Fiction
So we sit or so I sit. I am the only one they see but even with two eyes, it seems to me they don't know what to look at. To be more in fact, they misunderstand the way they perceive me and the way they perceive our worldly views. Every point that goes to another point, shows that people don't know. People believe to know how to cherish but once they lose a person they lose themselves. Once they lose a thing they seem to think they lose it all. It's ok to think you are nothing, if you believe you are everything. I ramble often in my mind. I think. That's funny. Well my name is Shiva. I come from a distant place called, The Toad of Realms. I say distant, because from the way you see, it is. To say none the less it is the void. A void, made of portals that travels on its own axis or swiggle. A swiggle like the ones you see in your retina, when you look out. They move in constant waves or from side to side. It is a place you keep on. It is constant, as my plane runs through every object. A washing of colors that would not make you ask why. It would just make you understand and say ok. It can also make you go in a storm till you say ok as well. However she does, in the end she'll get you to understand. There's a magnificents to it. But only if you let her peace wash over you. I used to be anxious as can be. My heart would feel like it would swell, prickle, and spark off sorrow. 

I had to learn through difficult trials and tribulations, how to accept her. Now that I do, it's easier. 

      Every other day there's a vigilant rabbit ready to hoist a troubled soul into the mad hatters hat. The mad hatters hat is an exploration of you,  within  a world that brings a contradiction at every second. And boy do I tell you there are many, many, many, contradictions.  You can feel like a marble spiraling down a corridor that is slanted till you break the window at the end of the hall and land in  soft pedals of wonder. You can be an airplane turned into a train in matters of seconds. You can be in the sea and be turned upside down as the water fills the universe with just a single puddle. The land would turn into dripping mud of dirt and sand. You can feel like you're sinking into it. In truth you're not. You're just figuring out there is no reality. You're figuring out to just be in an unrealistic view. At least it may seem unrealistic to us. 

               I realized that time isn't still and it isn't stable. Imagination emerges from the colors of the memories that are cloned in us like cells. Time isn't, because everything is happening in the now. When I was ten, I fell into a portal of my own thoughts. Dimensions of broken dreams, that left me petrified at every waking moment. Aware of every thought that made my emotions rampant. I was a scared little boy. I began to overcome fear because I once heard "fear is the killer of the mind". But it is very hard to lose it. I often sobbed and sobbed. Fear made me dislike surprises, but I soon realized that is life. Life is filled with wonders and surprises. I always did wonder because I didn't like the surprises. I always sought for answers. The only one I truly got was that no one knew and if you believe you did, then in my eyes you were a fool. But in the end, I believe we're all fools, who wish to know just a little.

             At 14, a fairy came to me like God did with Moses through the burning bush, she came to me like I was pinocchio. She wasn't in glitter but she was a woman of treacherous love that sparked her scars. Her voice was gentle, built of love through birth and authoritative with fire of passion. The first word that came out of her was “rebirth”, then she spoke onto me a name. She said “ Hello little one, since you are nameless in this timeless space, I will call you shiva.” 

“ Who are you? What does Shiva mean? Why do you speak of rebirth?” 

“ I am the fairy who sees your potential of awe, to inspire the lost. You will be called Shiva because from here on out you will let the old you die, you will flourish like the forming of a new star. You will feel warmth and uphold the wrath of pain, war, and ill thinking by twisting your contradictions to be felt in a whole order.”

Before I could speak again, she vanished like the steam from a cup of tea. I was left dumbfounded. I rubbed my eyes because I thought I had just woken from a dream. I then fell to sleep.

 I woke up the next day with a shadow like figure roaming with me into the forest without my knowing. I began to feel a jarring experience within me as it followed. Paranoia? I thought. When I finally did notice the shadow, I jumped up and turned around. My mind jolted into discomfort because no one was there. The shadow was only there, staring back at my figure on the floor. I looked around multiple times till I realized there was nothing around me. There was only a presence and a feeling of discernment. Confusion ran through my mind and down my spine as I watched this being move around. After a bit, the fairy from the night before tapped on my shoulder while I stayed looking at the floor, then my eyes strayed onto her. I was in awe to see her again. My eyes widened and my voice cracked when I said “ I saw you last night.” I gulped and I wasn't sure if it was out of fear or shyness. She smiled and observed every speck that can be seen on me then spoke,

“ Hi Shivu, I am here to tell you something important.”

“ What is it?” I said

“ You are asleep right now, and once you wake up, I need you to go down the path of bricks.”

“ Wait, I'm asleep?” I looked around and realized, I've never been here. “You're right, I am. But why, what will I find at the end of this path?” 

She stared with content “ That is for you to figure out.”

I woke up, alarmed, with cold sweats and heavy breathing. I was lost of words and the only thing I thought was where am I? Was that real? I got up from the wooden floor and walked out to the front porch. The moon felt so surreal. I felt if I reached out my hand I could touch it, grab a hold of it, so I did. When my hand reached out to it, it fell. I spiked into panic at that point, beginning to think what am I? I won't use my hands again, why!!?... I won't ever think again. Then the fairy appeared where the moon once was. That is when I woke in a disoriented, dirty restroom, it seemed drugs were on the floor, and women were limbless, lifeless looking on the floor. Then I woke up again looking at the night sky. The stars were gone and I saw an orange swirl. It seemed to be spurring out of my belly button and I dipped my finger into it and that is when I got sucked in. I got sucked into my aura. I was in a space that did not stop forming into my ideas. Every thought was made into a dream. I felt like I was going insane and kept pinching myself to wake up. 

         The fairy appeared to me asking if I've followed the path with courage so far. I drastically said no and asked what path of bricks were you talking about in our short discussion. I have not come across any bricks! I was so frustrated and disoriented by my own thoughts. 

“Ah, you look tired, so you have. Keep going” she said. I looked in shock. I asked myself through this  torture, what did I do to deserve this torment. What was my name before this? Did I ever have one? Where are the people I love, where is the family I wish for, within this shower of darts being thrown at my skull and heart. Then I fell into total darkness. An abyss of broken thought. No thoughts at all. Then I thought about bricks. Bricks and bricks and bricks and bricks. Bricks falling from impact explosions, bricks being bulldozed, bricks that came from the sky killing me, bricks being built up like horrors of illusion in a dream. A dream that has not stopped. I realized these deformed realities were the bricks that were being built upon. My spawning never was, my spawning was an illusion. I now saw the tormented boy in a 3rd point of view. It was like I had an eye like none can see. An expansion of consciousness similar to benders in futurama. I never was. 

         The angel appeared smiling, as I watched the boy who finally dissipated onto my black sheet of nothingness. 

“ So I see you finally opened those magnificent eyes” She whispered into me. The words bounced off me and echoed loudly in me.

“ I guess so. But now what am I supposed to do.” 

“ You can create a place of balance for the scars you have endured. These scars will embody light and water for your thirst. Now go… create.”


© Jorge Romero Campos, Dicha Shin

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  • Sep 10, 2020

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